 vitriolicvertigo 2009-11-28 . chapter 1I love this poem! The ambiguity only adds to its mystique and suspenseful elements.
I enjoy the way you used the dashes at the end of some lines to break up the rhythm...it was powerful and unique.
Random note: I love your pen name. Forizzle (:
Also, thank you for the fantastic review on Waiting! |
 Jasion Drake 2008-12-21 . chapter 1I did not get it.
But I got something out of it.
And that's all that matters. :) |
 Panchromatic 2008-04-17 . chapter 1interesting imagery and such. i like "a purple stream of indulgent lies" and "lingering scents of the putrid undead." very strange and good. i would take out the little dashes after "indulgent" and "emotional"--you'd get the same freeform effect. just a suggestion though.
thanks for the fav on wednesday's child! it made me happy. :) |
 whonow 2007-10-28 . chapter 1I like obscure poetry. Understanding it as you understand it isn't an issue for me, as I can appreciate the words themselves without boggling myself over what you 'really mean'. And I am appreciating your words. :>
I read it aloud for the fun of it. Lovin' how it just rolls off the tongue and melts into it at the same time. No rhythmic issues here, girlfriend. Lol. Altogether a pleasant poem. Good imagery. Guess I'll be off now. :>
-Catfish |
 Dellarose 2007-10-25 . chapter 1WHOA, Aleksy Lorraine, you're an up-and-coming poet! This is beautiful.
“Adoration, rooted and seething
In the deepest of emotional--
Pathos. Harken the call of
Those who neglect.”
I love that part. I love it.
And since when did you have another story? Why am I behind? AHH! |
 Leinnansidhe 2007-10-24 . chapter 1God damn, this was excellent.
Your breakup and fracturing of thoughts and sentences is well executed, making it really interesting and some words in particular huge focal points. For example "Lies" and "Pathos" stood out very strongly against the rest of the repective lines.
Also, the word choice and descriptions were beautiful. I'm once again in awe at your vocabulary. "A purple stream of indulgent--Lies." is now one of my favourite lines from a poem ever. Beautiful. Just beautiful. |
 Orlok 2007-10-24 . chapter 1I loved this. Very beautiful writing style.
Keep it up! |