FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Icrome 2007-10-25 ch 1,  | abusevery pretty, def not bad for mumbling haha |
| reckless fire 2007-10-25 ch 1, | abuseits really nice i like it. |
| Ryan Schiff 2007-10-25 ch 1, | abuseGood direct rhyme scheme, however be careful that not all Germanic -ing verbs are direct rhymes. All of the ones you used in this poem are slant rhymes, -sing, -king, -ying, -oing. In my opinion having all of these clumped together (I understand that this is a short poem so it would be hard not to have them all clumped together) decresed the effect that this could have on breaking up the rather monotonous tone of the rest of the rhyming (which is very very direct) Just to break it down, this is the phonemic representation of your rhyming: Oh Oh E E Oo Oo Sing King Ying Oing Oo Oo Having all of the -ing verbs together is not all in all a bad thing because the only powerfully slant rhyme is in Ying/Oing. It makes a nice way to end that chunk of the poem. |