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| xLinkinPark94x 2008-05-11 ch 1,  | abuseThat was actually pretty good. I liked it. I didn't like the "I woke up" part though. If you would've left it at, "I pulled the trigger" it would've been much better. This sent chills down my spine until the "I woke up" part. I dunno, maybe that's just me but it's your story so you do what you want with it. -Kelli |
| xoX-IHeartSureal-Xox 2008-03-05 ch 1, | abuseYou have a good sense of description and sentences flowed well. You built up the climax perfectly... though the ending was indeed a twist that I wasn't expecting: maybe try and expand on the pnchline... well not really the punchline... but you know what I mean. The suprise, the turn, the bit that changes what came before. Like Max Radio said. But I like this one. I really do. Hm... I might just be checking your profile for more fics... :D Gold star (don't ask... I just like giving out gold stars to fics that are worth their weight) |
| Max Radio 2008-02-28 ch 1, | abuseFound this while looking for something different. Wow, really cool! And...sort of erotic, in a weird, surprising way. It inspired me, even. I think I'm having trouble critiquing this because it's so short and easy to swallow; the 'I' of the story didn't even die in the end, and instead you saved the anonymous person and the story from becoming a typical suicide plot. The ending of the story a lot lighter than the reader was expecting (though it was a pretty typical usage of surprise...the whole 'dream' thing), which is a nice breakaway from the usual LIVE to DIE plot most suicide snippets have. I'll end up running in circles here; what I'm getting to is, great short, find more original endings and they'll really shine. 8/10 |
| Karasu-sama 2007-12-03 ch 1, | abuseWow. This was amazing! :D The words you use are just... they're like candy. Or heroin. Makes me want more. :3 |