FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| headingnowhere 2007-11-21 ch 1,  | abuseGotta love the bitterness, right? If I'm not mistaken, you've put a piece of you into it, correct? Anyway, the only thing that I'd have to say was odd was the "saccharine smiles Lingered forever like dust." It's a decent line, but "dust goes away with cleaning products" came to mind and ruined it, but that's not a very good complaint. Anyway, really good=) |
| rust phoenix 2007-11-17 ch 1, | abuseI really like this. It's so emotional and dramatic, but at the same time there's a delicate quality to it. The words are all necessary and work to set the mood. The last line really stands out to me. |
| Basara 2007-11-03 ch 1, | abusea poison in the memory... nice... |
| xDancingintheRainx 2007-11-01 ch 1, | abuseGreat first tanka! I especially love the second line. Your word usage is perfect, as usual. =] Excellent job with this piece! I'm adding it to my favorites! Thanks for the review! P.S. Yeah, "The gift of laughter" is pretty cliche, thanks for pointing that out for me, I didn't realize it so much before. I'll try to think up a better line. =] |
| Stella-Polaris 2007-10-28 ch 1, | abuseThis is wonderful! No improvement needed! |
| Simultaneous Tick-Tocks 2007-10-26 ch 1, | abuseI like the first and fourth lines. :) (P.S.- I think you mean 'saccharine.' Or did you do that on purpose?) -pb |
| friend 49 2007-10-26 ch 1, anon. | abusei have never heard of a tanka. 57576? i tripped on a fallen down campaign sign today. i have this huge gash on my leg. :( ok but i like this.oh and i was wondering if you would read something and maybe critique it because i super love it but i'm not sure if it's actually that good. so yeah. :) saccarine is now on my favorite words list. |
| Ladybugg13 2007-10-26 ch 1, | abuseO I like it. Tanka? I may have to go look that up. -Bugg |