Dragonet chapters are still my favourite. =D

Cute story so far. You have a horrendous number of grammatical errors, but I'm not going to ruin a review by listing them. You've got a good sense of conflict from the very beginning, but I feel you need a little 'more' to really improve this story. Description (of characters, places, feelings; little quirks) all of which can help develop your characters, world, and setting, which you'll find to be very important as you become more experienced at writing. Feel free to IM if you have any specifics questions. Keep on writing!

Alrighty, so I read over this story. Even though it is quite long, I think it has a great plot. I could follow the story easily; I wasn't confused by dialouge or confused by the paragraphs. Flashbacks - they were well put in. Great Job!
Marilyse

Cool this sounds promising i'll read more in the future. I cannot critic this, at the moment but ill read on.

Very sweet story and so imaginative. I found the language quite confusing at time but considering you're 13 I was very impressed. I thought the best bit was the first scene between Jarvis and Naria and the characterisation of Armit in this last chapter was also nice. Do I detect an Anne McCaffrey influence?

Just some grammar, spelling things that I noticed:
in chap 2, there's a "flea" that should be a "flee"
in chap 4, there's an "of" that should be an "off" (in "ripped off his neck") and it should be lost his "consciousness", not his "conscious"
in chap 8, there's an "oothing" that should be an "oozing"
in chap 9, there's a "quit" that should be a "quiet" (when you were describing Hannah, I think)
2 general notes:
1) You have quite a few of fragments where you don't have full sentences.
2) It's "prophecy" when it's a noun and "prophesy" when it's a verb.

Ok, good job so far. The narrator bit at the end should have instead been either a paragraph or a series of paragraphs showing the timelapse and growing friendship. Like a written montage. Keep going and post soon!

I'm really liking this story. I particularly like the jumps back into the past and am curious to see how this Lila character develops. Another Dragonet chapter would be nice, but I can understand if there's no room for them just yet. Looking forward to seeing how this story pans out.

Haha, cool. I didn't expect to see any chapters from the Dragonet's perspective, but I particularly like the sensing of the welfare of other Dragonets. The aging thing's kinda cool, too.

Yea! Great job! I love your story so far! Keep going! Post another chapter soon please!
Btw don't bother reviewing any of my stories, they're not good.
Anyway, post soon,
dancinglight

I like it so far.

I am enjoying your story so far, on chapter one however there is a small typo, instead of which you put witch