sad ending, but so damn powerful.

wonderful, wonderful job.

goodness. this is a haunting piece.

beautiful. :]

:O

I will somehow find a way to marry this gorgeous work of art.

Sweet merciful crap, you write well. _

this final chapter is remarkable!

wonderful great chapter!

you are way better than you give yourself credit for (I read your bio). this poem is excellent! way to go!

wonderful story.. i loved chapter 2.. i almost cried in the last part.. once again, nice poem ;)

Well, it was sort of bittersweet. I mean, it was bound to end badly, wasn't it? The beginning didn't leave any room for anything other than a sad ending.

But that's why this is great. It's very original and I do love the formatting. Very nice.

In a way, it sucks that this is over, but it was fun while it lasted. Great ending to a great story. *high five*

Felicia.

...good thing I read this in the morning, otherwise I'd never fall asleep. How is it you always have this total feeling of chaos and yet utter control in your poems? You never fail to amaze.

-I love starting out with the definition of irony and adding your own thing to it

-Nice alliteration in the second line

-Nice formatting with down

-the ashes hair reference is really wonderful

-sad, but beautiful description of her death

-Love the freezing time thing

-His regrets are really beautiful and touching, but mean things bothered me.. the word mean didnt have enough power in it in my opinion

-"his little sage".. .so cute

-nice repetition

-I like the simile about her being a release and how bang comes in the middle of the sentence

-the part about sorries not fixing things is so tru and wonderful

-I love third line in the last stanza... especially the formatting

I like the ending... it's ironic... although confusing since the reader didn't know he heard voices and hallucinated until the end... I hafta say thought I really loved the first two chapters better the rest...

PS review marathon.. link in my profile

I just reviewed this chapter while logged in and I cant add to it, but I forgot to mention the review marathon (link in my profile) so im tricking fp into letting me.. lol

why was the first nonbold part a he and the rest is i from his point of view?

I like how this creepy morbid tone contrasts with the innocence of the last piece... and I really love the formatting

The dress stanza confused me.. what color dress does is hers? and why does she have scarlet stains.. she's supposed to be innocent unless they are a result of him, which didnt come through for me

I love the first line of the fourth stanza... that was beautiful but the next line... I dunno it makes it seem like he only lusts after her, when in the other pieces I thought he really did truly love her... i dunno

The ending I love it's so heartbreaking and wonderfully written

wow. this is really intense. was ash a schitzophrenic? i liked how it was a story but poems. really awesome!

Another thing about the last chapter.. it was all third person POV, which seemed odd...

Ok I really like the whole night and day contrast and how this piece also portrays her innocent, but I'm not a big fan of the ending.. I mean I like it but I don't like throwing his point of view into her point of view poem...

I like this.. it's beautiful and the format is wonderful

BUT it came out of nowhere.. the other two flowed together so nicely.. I wanna know where this came from are they together? Are they still just meeting at the sidewalk? it just doesn't seem to fit with the piece before it

PS Review marathon review.. link in my profile