I think that this will be a good story. I will sujjest that instead of jumping straight into athikened plot that you give your character a life and a personality. Give 3 or 4 chapters to giving her a personality and setting up your plot. Some Authors give 3/4 of their books to setting up their plot. These are well liked and famous authors. Many people (writers) these days just jump staight into a thickened plot without preparing it. Think of your story as making Jello or pudding. Before you thicken it at all, you need to prepare everything.

Thatw as very interesting. Gosh, that boy was mean, it isn't like she did anything provoked, but then I don't know her life story yet. Great chapter