   Jeoal 2008-12-19 . chapter 2[standing on the precipice, not ready to jump but forced to anyway. It’s morning, right? Nothing happens in the morning.] You know what, I used to believe that so hard, that spooky things always happened at night, not during the day. But after watching the old The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I changed my tune, haha. And so this is just ace, how you capture the delusions we have about being scared and scary things happening. It sets this great, eerie-and-off mood of the fic.
[His heart loses interest in keeping up, and he knows he’s in trouble because he starts feeling really dizzy, like he’s going to faint or throw up, and he can’t decide which is worse.] I love this part because it parallels Thierry’s reaction to the DS, his dizziness and wanting to retch, the sickness.
The word choice and descriptions in this chapter were beautiful -- as per usual, really. Just to quote a few [ice cubes in his drink make a dull clinking sound, slowly melting into each other.] and [It’s hidden behind a gauzy curtain] and [choking like a fish out of water] and a ton of others I won’t repeat back at you, since, haha, you wrote it. ;P
[There was a wing-back chair in the alcove, casting a bat-like shadow.] I love that chair, man!
[Well, **, what was he expecting? Ghostly visions? Spooky lights? Rattling chains?] Another one of those great stereotypes of being scared and scary things, expectations of haunted houses and how getting spooked should go. This adds a level of humor to the scene that I feel like a lot of people wouldn’t necessarily try to incorporate in a horror story. It makes me feel like you’re not trying to overbear us with THE HORROR. You have such an elegance with your horror. A finesse. It’s quiet and believable.
I read through this whole chapter before I went back to start commenting on it, and I love the repetition of sand. [... Like it’s made of sand; weak, limp, heavy…] and [he feels like he’s choking, choking on sand], how the feeling follows him from the room. Makes me contemplate whether or not Thierry/Walker was in the basement with the two of them, just watching. If they’re always around, just not always making themselves known.
+ Colin’s lungs/throat being compared to balloons, too.
[He smells of onions, duck broth, and flour.] I love, love, love the fact that you carry over things like smell with your characters. It just makes the environment seem that much richer because it employs one of the senses I feel like we usually lose, when we read/in general look at art. It’s very cool.
[haunting his eyes so that every time he blinks it flashes behind his eyelids.] Is it a bad sign I pictured the demon from The Exorcist, here? Or maybe a technique similar, if this fic were a movie. Just a quick clip of Thierry’s face trapped in a death freeze. Unsettling moment.
Okay, so…wow, the whole revelation with Colin having a crush on Thierry - or, really, Colin doing the deed as Thierry did his own deed - was a big mind**. For him, and also for us readers. Haha, I have no doubt you (/Thierry) meant for it to be that way, but wow, I was significantly weirded out, myself. Not because…I don’t know. It’s not like I thought he, in any way, was getting off on Thierry hanging himself (how could he have known, right?), but the juxtaposition of the two images made for a very odd pairing, in my head. Mind**. And I wanted to speed through that part, just to get some relief from it. I think that says something of the creep factor of the fic. ;D
And now, going back and reading this again, I feel like there’s yet another parallel with Colin having a crush on Thierry, who seemed to despise him, and then later commenting on how he liked to see Doug angry. Like he’s got some fetish for volatile-ness and resistance.
Speaking of Doug, though, I loved his and Colin’s relationship. The way Doug was tiptoeing around him because he was afraid of him - the whole breakfast scene was awesome, in the way their actions affected each other! The back and forth of them - and then how, in the basement, there was almost a moment of shared sympathy, shared experience. The bit of dialogue where Doug goes, [“No.” He cuts him off, soft, withering, like he’s not sure why he’s talking at all. “No, it was a man, but it wasn’t him...”] it’s like they’re on the same page about it, like they just know what each other is thinking, where each other is going. It was a nice moment, made nicer for the fact that all before it, Doug couldn’t stand Colin and Colin was only just able to tolerate him back. I liked the momentary contrast, like it was a new beginning for them.
But I love the basement scene! From the atmosphere of all the boxes and the holiday decorations, the shadows, and him and Doug arguing over who’s a bigger freak, it just was so full of character and freshness. I don’t know. I can’t exactly explain why it just hit the right buttons for me, but it was great. And I smiled at the “shadow (…) darker than the rest” at the end. Creepy, but cool. Shadows: responsible for giving people the heebie-jeebies since light existed, haha.
The little hints, too, that you left were great setup for the coming chapters. I’m still scratching my head over the “dangerous hand” comment and wanting to know more about the release of Thierry’s father (and the history of their family, in the first place) and the “curse” (if it’s actually legit or if it’s just something Thierry imagines) and what Thierry had to do to stay out of the walls. And why, at the end, Walker seems to save Doug. Maybe territorial reasons, maybe some ounce of sympathy left in him? Something else entirely? There are definitely a lot of subplots to be explored, and I’m intrigued.
I hope you’re still writing, doll face. And I hope that you still have the motivation for this fic. I definitely think it’s something worth continuing, if my opinion has any value. :]
PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I know this isn't such a great present or anything, but... I really hope you're having a great day! |
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