FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| Evelyn O' Sullivan 2007-10-31 ch 1,  | abuseThere's a lot of feeling coming off of this poem, but its reigned in. You summarize it by saying you were just getting your feelings out, but as I read the poem sections of it seem more thought out, as though you were trying to avoid saying something. - Songs with words songs without Melodies that dance in the air and bass that restarts your heart Every song I've ever heard contributes to my shell. This little shell around me protects me from my hell. - I think those were my favorite lines, although the second couplet could flow a bit better. if you made it something like: "Melodies that dance through air and bass which restarts the heart" The syllables match better and make it flow, as opposed to the one syllable differentiation which made it seem choppy, while the effect of your poem is more flowing, which goes well with the music mentioned. - songs that are so beautiful that my only reaction to them is to cry - the first line there is lovely, and then the second one is too... storylike. You drag it out too much. There isnt a need for numerous pronouns and antecedants, its OK to break the rules of grammer. To put "my only reaction is to cry" and leave out 'that' and 'to them' gets the same point across without breaking the flow of your poem. Overall, I liked the emotion coming out of it and it was well developed |