ok, i have to admit that this made me cry. and not much makes me cry. i liked it. the short story especially.

Interesting... she wanted to help by giving up her cell phone. How sweet and helpful... A better way to help would have been getting a job, but you help where you can. Overall I thinks it's nice she wants to help her parents. Most kids wouldn't want to help their parents out or would be immune to the fact that their parents even need help.

~M.Stains

Short but nice. Sometimes all a person needs is a short chapter to get things moving along and explain certain things.

Anyway, her share space, because it isn't a room, with a couple of guys still doesn't sit well with me. I also see it wasn't supposed to sit well with her parents either, but them knowing the possible age of Marcy's boys they should know you this is a big don't.

Oh, well.

I saw a couple of places that need spacing and nothing else.

~M. Stains

Well, what can I say... So far the chapter seems nice and interesting, although it seems like it going to turn into a cliche. What I mean by that is nice girl falls for the vain, idiotic jerk (maybe I shouldn't use jerk lightly, because I'm a jerk and most cliched guys are more than that...).

What I can seriously put is I like the way you write. Simple and nice. And I definitely say this because I'm not a big fan of stories narrated in first person unless it fits, and yours has come out nice.

Now to the comments:

(“So, Liv and I share a room. You, Dad, and Georgie stay where you are. That leaves Aunt Marcy and two kids with one bedroom and the basement to share, unless we decide to heat the garage.” Mom hesitated. “What?”) Even without reading the summary, a person can already tell there was a dun'tha dun dun coming.

(“You and Liv won't be sharing a room. You'll have your own space, don't worry.” Her voice trailed off a bit at the end, which I found odd.) And the plot thicken...

(“Magdalen, yes. Except, sweetheart, we've decided Aunt Marcy needs to have your room. She's feeling pretty stressed right now, and she'll need a place of her own, where she can relax. Livia and Maggie will share Livia's room. You, Samuel, and Isaac will divide up the basement. We'll put up curtains, so it'll be just like having your own room, okay? It'll be lovely. We'll spend the rest of the time until they get here finishing the basement, putting sheetrock on the walls and painting and getting everything ready. It'll be just perfect...”) When I read this, I thought 'wtf!'. Girls don't share rooms with guys, whether the sons are young or not. Things can happen.

But I'm sorry is the ending sum of it. Right...

Oh, well.

Until the next review!

~Faith

This was very tender-sweet. The flow of it was nice and more emotion provoking than the last chapters. And I liked the insight into Honesty's mind a little more.

C.S.

Their house sounds like a normal day for my family, whether it's a school year, or Summer.

Poor Maggie, forced to grow up and go to school even though she doesn't want to.

[What was he doing to me, and why did it make my stomach feel like there was an acrobat inside trying desperately to escape? Why was the back of my neck on fire? And what the devil was wrong with my lungs?] That's what my brother calls inexperienced lust. You know something's not right, but you want to ignore it.

It's good that her friends see a lighter side to her predicament.

C.S.

I'm not one of those girls that likes it when boys try to get under a girl's skin... I've never let it happen and don't understand when it happens to other girls, but I know it does.

For some reason, I'm trying to hold back my judgement on Sam. There's gotte be more to him than a boy that just barely learned to get his jones off, lol.

And what does he know about sex being fun, maybe for him. Girls aren't always so lucky, trust me.

C.S.

Wow, I had sort o figured that Sam would be too arrogant for his good, but I'm happy you had that. Maybe his real character isn't as bad as his ego.

Don't wory about reviews, I learned that if they come they come, and if they don't sometimes it's for the better.

C.S.

I pray Sam isn't one of those boys that think the entire world owes them some attention, Lol. I tend to read a lot of books with guys like that and it's weird to me. One, because I know from my brothers that not all guys are like that, and two, cockiness doesn't get every girl.

But the chapter was really nice. Marcy definitely came off as an aunt like figure.

C.S.

I had noticed the Spring Valley, but had thought that you meant where Marcy lived at the moment.

Sweet interaction between Livy and Honesty. There are a few times when it feels like you become repetetive about Livy's wittiness though.

And Harry was finally introduced. He's a good character. What I like is that there doesn't seem to be anything more than a brother-sister relationship between them.

Also watch out for parenthesis in a story, they tend to distract readers.

Great chapter,

C.S.

It's generous of her to give up her cell phone because she thinks it'll make the money situation with her parents easier. The reality is that most parents don't tell their children of their problems becase they don't think that they should have to worry... Most parents, Lol.

Where at first it would've seemed right for Honesty to put up a fight about her parents forcing her to stay in the basement with Marcy's boys, she's less likely to now.

Awesome insight on the family,

C.S.

I got to paint my room once, and in the end I was the one painted. Though it seems that everything's going to be alright for now, I highly doubt that it is.

I'm still geeking out about the sharing rooms with a guy... I don't know why.

Though this chapter didn't have much in it, it introduced the characters.

C.S.

Okay, here I finally am. It took me some time, but I made it, lol.

[There are days when I truly want to disown my parents. The first time was when I realized that Honesty wasn't a normal name.] Awesome beginning, this caught my attention instantly. And if she hates her parents for her name, at least didn't have my parents, who bet that if I was a girl I would get a boy's name or vice versa.

[But the fact remains that he agreed to the plan. For him, the only possible explanation is temporary insanity.] Lol, or her mother gave him some good loving.

Wow, she was forced to stay in the basement with two guys, and she's seventeen... That's not only wrong, but it doesn't sound right.

I have nine brothers, and even now at my age, I have never had to share a room with any of them... even when my little sister came along I didn't have to share a room... But where would the story be without it.

[I snorted into my cheerios: Livia's only nine. She acts like she's 13, and it cracks me up.] Also, in this sentence, you wrote *nine* out, but had *13* in numerical form. Maybe you could write that out also so it won't seem so awkward.

C.S.

You're right, this is a very different focus. It took me a moment to adjust because I was still absorbed in the narrative from the chapters previously posted, while this was a totally different feel. Not just the change in POV but in the tone of the narrative itself. The original chapters were more light-hearted and playful, while this was so much more introspective. It's such a new take on the same characters that it's really not the same story at all. Which is cool because it shows that you recognize the possibilities and like to explore them. Anyway... I'm rambling. I'll be curious to hear how the competition turned out!

Honesty is one of the most sympathetic and relatable characters I have ever read. Period. That conversation she just had with Sam? I've actually had it. Almost word for word. Okay, and maybe I'm biased toward her because my dad is a professor... But I still find her so incredibly believable; she wants to do right but she's flawed and has her rebellious moments at the same time that she is still responsible and loving. She's just... cool... Yeah. Alright. I'm done for the moment. You'll probably hear from me again soon.