|Reviews for Twisted Revenge|
| Eventhorizon42 1/16/08 . chapter 2
I read it!
Ok, so, firstly it's sometimes hard to tell whose talking-you might want to keep seperate people talking in seperate paragraphs.
Secondly, she's (you're) attacking Xavier now? Oh dear...heh heh no men are safe... - update again!
| Equilibrium 1/11/08 . chapter 2
Intriguing! I must know what really happened. Hurry up and write! Hahaha...
Your dialogue is really well done. Very believable. I have no complaints with regards to the story, but a teeny suggestion would be to add more descriptions, i.e the physical aspect of the interaction between characters (like what their expressions are like upon reaction to certain words/implications/etc). But in this chapter, which conveys a harried atmosphere or a sense of everyone talking at once, that can be overlooked.
This was brilliant. Keep it up.
| Netherbandit 11/26/07 . chapter 1
Excellent! It's almost like an excerpt from a movie or something! Keep up the good work! More! _
| FreakierThanThou 11/8/07 . chapter 1
"She was seeing through the eyes of the main person" Huh? Sorry, I don't get what you mean by 'main person'.
Also, the flow of this thing is a little bit confusing. One minute it's from Shauna's point of view, waking up on the street, then she's in the hospital, then she's dreaming, the Silas is dreaming, then suddenly she's talking to someone named Shakura? I'd recommend adding some of those little bars (rulers?) between perspective changes, like you did at the end before your author's note.
Also, please introduce Shakura before Shauna's talking to her. And could you maybe make that conversation a little bit longer? On second thought, no, it works that Shakura doesn't get time to give her reaction.
Besides the unclearness (unclarity?) of the story, I think it's really good. I like the opening scene, it's good. Also, the plot seems really neat.
It's an especially good twist that Shauna and Silas are both having the same dream that she's killing him. Weird, creepy, and awesome.
| Eventhorizon42 11/6/07 . chapter 1
Hm...a new story! Who died? Only comment: weird dream transition and switches between Silas' and Shauna's viewpoints. Cool otherwise. So, why does Shauna subconsiously want to murder Silas?