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| GilanSalehi 2007-11-22 ch 2,  | abuseThis is a very well written chapter. You don't take off at a breakneck pace, which is good, I think, because it allows you to take your time and introduce the characters and their personalities. Already I'm interested in them. I didn't spot any grammatical errors, so you're good in that department. I'm just wondering if it is up to the colonel to provide lodging for residents of the camp. I'm not particularly well versed in military organization, but wouldn't that be the job of some desk-workers or administrators? Anyway, good work on this chapter. I don't mind you taking your time to write them if they're all as good as this one. That said, update soon! |
| Dachande663-ff 2007-11-19 ch 1, | abuseA good start, I can't wait to see where you take this story. Please keep on updating. |
| GilanSalehi 2007-11-07 ch 1, | abusePretty dramatic start for a story. I like the scene you've set, although right now it's a little early to say much more than that. Your conceal/reveal towards then drags on for a line or two too long--consider shortening this a bit, and you'll have a golden start to a story. Well done! |