FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| misery sister 2008-05-12 ch 1,  | abuseYou have a lot of mistakes here, especially in spelling. I'm not sure if English is your first language, or maybe you made those mistakes subconciously, but you do have a lot. For example... "... had met at the begging of High School." = beginning. "... and had hit it of right away." = off. "The only problem was there parents..." = their. Okay, so you know you have spelling mistakes. Another thing is, you're only telling us the story, not showing. You're just listing facts about themselves. |
| Waitingnotsopatiently 2008-04-30 ch 3, | abuseWhat an awkward relationship! I don't think I'd like that very much...it'd make me super frustrated. This sounds like a cool idea but I've got one word of...constructiveness? It seems very rushed...almost like your trying to do a recap of your day and it's getting late, and you have to go to bed so you just hurry up and throw it on some paper. The result? It's kind of messy. Try playing around with sentence structure(oh my gosh, did I just say that!? I HATE sentence structure!!) or something like that...But like I said, it sounds like it's a good idea and if you freshen up your writing it could be great! Keep on writing! -Cougar |