|Reviews for Fight school|
| Sara593 4/26/11 . chapter 1
I like the concept of your story and the idea of it... but there are a few things that i would like to comment on before i continue on reading...
for a start there are a few spelling mistakes through it..
there is also very little description on what your characters look like or with what they are doing and you have introduced them to fast without any real information on them...
and there isn't always a need to repeat the same thing more then once in the same paragraph...
and there is also the little problem of not letting us know if your characters are all human and have not described to us who your dragons are or what they are like.
| Skye410 4/26/11 . chapter 1
This story has a fairly good idea to it;; I will admit... I haven't yet read the other chapters but I have a few things that I would like to correct on with this chapter. The ammount of characters you introduced at once has made it very confusing, and your readers have no idea where any of these characters have come from or even a general description of what they look like. You tend to repeat the same words a few times in certain paragraphs like you explained about master Fuscha dying and when Ella was waiting for the assessment to finish;; repetition becomes a bother to readers and they get put off when they notice you have said the same words more than once in the same paragraph. Also, the way you have so quickly introduced their assessment is confusing and without proper explanaton as to what it is, readers will once again be put off. But apart from that and a few spelling mistakes, I think this story may have potential. I shall be reading more soon and I hope it progresses with each chapter I read...
Also if it helps, read one of my new stories The Ice Princess and the Fire Warrior and see how I have done so with introducing things... I have been writing stories my whole life and it all comes naturally... If you ever need assistance I am happy to help
| Ioga 1/30/11 . chapter 6
I for one would like to see the plotline finished. I keep tabs on all unfinished (and, actually, also the finished ones ;)) stories in case they get updated eventually. So go for it, girl! :)
In other news, I'm not sure if reposting a changed chapter would cause an alert to go out like this, but I think I heard someone mention a policy that chapters containing only author notes shouldn't be posted? Not sure about that though!
| zombie chickens 1/18/11 . chapter 1
I love the idea for this plot and the little description for it definitely made me want to read it. It has the potential for great drama and deep running tensions. However, I also thought that this first chapter could use a little work. It felt like it could use a little more description and something to draw people in more. That aside, I'll definitely keep reading to see how things begin to unravel.
| Ioga 12/5/10 . chapter 5
Hey again, I found another one of your pieces on my todo list. :)
This story is something like 11 pages of text, but it has enough twists and turns to fill at least 50. There's five characters who are hard to keep track of when they (and their lives) change so quickly, there's the inner structure of the whole realm where there's dragons, queen dragon lairs and mini dragons, "fight school" and war politics, and there's the plot fragments of the specific points of view on top of that!
You have a lot of cool ideas, we just need enough hand-holding to not fall off our broomsticks as we dive into your stories. :) It may help to have a friend read through the story (or read it yourself, very slowly) and mark the points where something unexpected turns out that needs more representation. Like with Bomb Squad, give introductions of new concepts more space, rather than passing them as a sidetrack of a paragraph about doing stuff in the present (like telling us that a character has a horse, its name and qualities as a sidenote of him taking off).
Minor nitpicks: You repeatedly use 'aloud' instead of 'allowed'. Aloud means 'in a way that makes a sound', allowed means 'with permission'. At least in the first chapter there's two sentences not ending in a period. 'Semi' can be used as a word in informal speech, but avoid it in prose (and titles).
Thanks for this!
| Marilyse 1/27/08 . chapter 5
FINISH THE STORY! I am impatient sometimes, and I want to see this ending! (And you are so right about Ella and Ted).
Okay, while I was reading, I caught one mistake:
Bead should be Bed
but besides that, keep writing!
| R.B. Mackensie 1/17/08 . chapter 3
Captured me from the beginning, so that's always saying something. I guess it had to do with "dragons"...not your typical dragon story, I guess that's it. *yay!* Good luck!
| Jade Carroll 11/26/07 . chapter 3
Keep it up! Why do I have the feeling Jason will be one of the stronger warriors? _
| l3g3nd 11/18/07 . chapter 2
First of all, your story is good. Though it isn't one of the best piece I have come across with, but yours worth my time reading, yeh.
So let me start off with the comment.
You have a tendency of starting your sentences with a noun. The 1st 3 paragraph begins with 'Emma' as the first word, and it might look a lil bit awkward. Try making them into passive form (especially for narrative notes) will smooth the flow between sentences.
[When his master, master Fucha]
You can replace it with something like this.
When his teacher, master Fucha
When his master, Fucha
| Jade Carroll 11/13/07 . chapter 1
Any story with dragons has my approval. :P
I'm particularly interested to see how the friendships would be affected if Ted passes. The "dragon fighters did not mix with foot fighters" particularly drew me in (curious to see how they interact, if at all). Keep writing! )
| Heatless Flame 11/9/07 . chapter 1
No offense but you need to show, not tell. You just say things. Prove them to me, not simply say Ted hated assessments. Ella sounds like a Mary-sue, but the setting is good and I love dragons.