FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| Memoirs of a Demon Angel 2007-11-07 ch 1,  | abuseHey Kristen I realize Kelly wrote this but... There's a few grammatical errors that bug me, some of the "her"s should be "she", for instance "Her who is so amazing you can see it in..." should be "she who is..." "Her who with only..." "Her who is..." Those should be "she" too, so unless she's trying to prove a point you may want to change those... I'm assuming this is about you...that's really nice of her ^^ Gotta love Kelly. I really like it! |
| Ryan Schiff 2007-11-07 ch 1, | abuseIs her name "Her"? If not, you should change the lines to "she who is..." Either that or capitolise every instance of "her", making her name "Her". You also may want to format this in a more poetic fassion, seperated into verses instead of just as a list. This may be more of a limitation of Fictionpress's document editor than your own. Even disregarding that, the choppy, listy nature of this poem is somewhat disconcerting. One last problem. She, or if you prefer, Her has never brought any joy to me, unless you're talking about some magical Her who is the sourse of all joy in the universe. |