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| turtledonkey27 2007-11-25 ch 2,  | abuseooh, plotness. i'm looking forward to watching this develop. |
| The Falconer 2007-11-18 ch 1, | abuseI really like the fact that this reads like a novel, instead of a multi-chapter 'story.' You really get the impression that the story is not even getting started, this chapter (both chapters really) is just a glimpse of a much greater whole that is slowly being uncovered. It rises questions and questions and I love that. I can wait to read more of it. The only thing I'd mention as a negative is the suspense, the sense of danger that I found lacking in the first part, especially when Mai sneaks up on Bram. I was not "startled" by it... For me the scene needed to put the reader on edge, make s/he read on with apprehension, anticipation...it's dark, the place is strange, Bram is just a boy and he's tailing a sorcerer, he's tired... There's DANGER, you know? And I think the scene did not translate the suspense, the tension enough. Otherwise, it's great. I have many many questions, but I'm sure they'll be answered in time...so, um, write on? *chuckles* I'm very very excited about this story. I'm a great fan of Fantasy and I like that everything is there, the magic, the sorcerers, the dark pub, the elves (I wonder what you're going to do with them... Dark elves...? hm...Should be interesting), the spies, the thieves, the Ancients (another thing I can't wait to read more about). So yeah, I'm pretty excited about it all.. Cheers! Falconer. |
| wizzan 2007-11-10 ch 1, | abuseWow, that was quite a beginning. Very interesting too and I've got a bunch of ideas on where this story is going to go. I can't wait to read what happens next! |