FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Heatless Flame 2007-11-09 ch 1,  | abuseI actually enjoyed some parts, the suspense is raised nicely, although I dislike some of the way you literate your sentences and thoughts. You tell more than show, which is never good, and you overuse words like but. Try using a thesauras to come up with different substitutions. Please review my story, Black Arrow. Thank you! |