It's ok, but it sounds as if you tried too hard for the rhymes. However, I do like the third stanza, with the "which to your hatred grew" - that's cool.

Otherwise, yah... this feels like it needs more freedom in the expression department. Not much else to say )

Moon's Poetess

Wow! Cool poem, it was written really well and such an unusual layout. I loved it!

Xx )

in some ways I can realte, nice one!