It needs more description to equal out so much dialouge, but other then that I have no CC. You are boing a good job so far.

interesting names... i like this story. i added you to my C2

Well, this is an interesting story, but you should try and level out your dialouge with description. We as authors do not have a clear picture of your characters or the world they exist in so it's crucial for any author to give proper description of characters, places and actions so that we get a better feel of things.

Despite this technicality, you write a very good story. I think I had seen another work of yours here, but I never read it. So, it's nice to meet another author who's been around FP for a while (I've ran into a lot of newbs lately, not that they are bad. It's just that, a lot of the old talent here no longer writes anything T_T)

Well, good luck in the future. I'll come back and leave you a few more reviews and if you want you can check out my works as well. You might like something on my page.

i really love the connection between Haru and Mayura its like they've known each other longer than a short time span and i love how they connect. Beautifully written keep up the good work