That was so good! You're really talented!

To be honest, while I liked a lot of the images, the presentation left a lot to be desired. Stanzas and shorter lines would give this not only a lot more aesthetic appeal but also a more even rhythm and flow. I can see that you like enjambment but you could just as easily do that with shorter lines (and shorter sentences, come to think of it).

Aside from that, this isn't bad. Interesting imagery and specific storyline put it a step above most of the stuff I read on FP.

Midnight

A bit comfusing, but it touches on alot of tender subjects, for me at least. You have a very unique way of expressing yourself. It's wonderful. The description is AWESOME! WE! I personally like it, but I think it far exceeds my expectations for a website publication. Get it published! Show it to your friends! Get people who are good at analyzing poems to look at it. I just like making ppl happy by taking the tome to review to show my appreciation for sharing their pieces with me! Write on!

X-hime1221

Wow. That was beautiful in a slightly scary way (that doesn't detract from it at all).

"on girls with faux-fur breasts and elevator ankles who

said hello like they meant please." That was my favorite part.

Your description is really complex and I want to read it over again and again so I can get it, but right now I just want to say even if I don't know what every little piece means, I get the whole picture, and this is a very good poem.

that's really awesome... i love the 'elevator ankle' description