FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Evelyn O' Sullivan 2007-12-05 ch 1,  | abuseWell, sorry you feel that way. But on the bright side, made for a nice poem. I think repetition is good you you overkill it a bit. And stanzas would be nice. Really short choppy things and really long stuff (like your poem) are equally awful. Both have the potential to absolutely and positively confuse and lose your reader. Hence the reason I skip super long descriptive blocks of text. I'd go into more depth and detail on the bird, the mountains, and the wind. Why are they free, and what would get you tehre? What is so good about the birds? If you're asking a question in your poem, put in a question mark. Just because it's poetry doesn't mean you can completely ignore grammar rules, only that you can shoot a few of them down for effect if you can make it seem natural. I like the opening, it was catchy. Overall, nice job :) |