Reviews for Out Of The Shadows

Reviews For: Out Of The Shadows

BWeep 2008-04-03 ch 12,	abuseYou have a nice, simple way of writing. My only complaints would be concerning the small typos or grammatical errors you have here and there. Things such as capitalization at the start of dialogue and the misspelling of some words. Also, in chapter 7, you seem to have a bit of a mix up. "I sighed and headed towards the stairs" I think you mean lift..and stairs usually aren't out of order~ maybe you could swap that with under repair or some other phrase.
Dexterity 2008-03-27 ch 1,	abuseRG easy fix! What I like: the imagery was nice. They were short, but conveyed the scenery well. I think I can see what you're describing. What I think can be improved on: I don't like the sentence "yet so, so different" since it seems to be leading us readers into thinking in a direction instead of letting us think for ourselves. Have faith in your own descriptions. They have certainly led us to think that "this is very different from our world" even without you explicitly saying it. That's all. Nice chapter. Looking forward to reviewing more for RG in the future!
Kaiyako Kagami 2008-03-27 ch 2,	abuseHey! Good second chapter! Once again you didn't seem to have any dialog or character interaction so you should get the action started a little bit. Your chapters are also really short, you might try making them a little longer, but not too long. Easy to read, and I like how you use italics and bolds, but you don't over use them. That's good! ^^ Kaiyako K.
loves him 2008-03-19 ch 1,	abuseThere were a few things that I enjoyed and a few things that I was annoyed by in your introduction. Let's start off with the good, shall we? :) I liked how you tried putting a mysterious tone so that the reader would be intrigued. A few of your adjectives and descriptions were really vivid, like "they fought against the stretching shadows and fearful nights", "tried to ignore the screams of the unfortunate ones and the howls of their triumphant predator", "not ignorant enough to be one of the simples..." etc. etc. I also liked your description of the main character/narrator. Those two sentences were worded really well and for some reason, they helped to kind of add to the solitude that she's supposed to be feeling. However, some of your descriptions just went WAY over the top and I was kind of left sitting here, thinking that your descriptions were too pretentious. A good portion of the details were superfluous and in all honesty, it didn't seem like they were really necessary because you already had a prior description there to explain the situation. For example, "They tried to live happy lives and pretend that if they stepped out of their door at night a thousand beings wouldn’t suddenly appear next to the sound of a beating heart ever ready to still the sound for all eternity." Can you say run on much? So yeah, if I were you, I'd try to tone things down a bit so that the reader isn't overwhelmed by all of the unnecessary detail. Personally, the excess detail distances me from the actual reading and it doesn't really help. Also, you should probably re-check this chapter for grammar. There were a few instances where there should've been a period or a semi-colon or something, but it just wasn't there. "I, myself was respected and hated by both sides, I had recently foiled a plan of the dark stopping many of the worst evil ones coming into human life which meant that I definitely was not on their good side, but though the major meanies hadn’t fought their way into human hearts many of the lesser vampires and werewolves and minor illnesses had come to spoil life and the light guys were pretty ** about that." Another huge run on that takes away from your story. There are AT LEAST a couple instances where you could've put a period in just that paragraph alone. To sum it up, check over grammar, avoid run on sentences, and don't overload the chapter with the descriptions. But other than that, I like the world that you've presented so far and with some fine tuning, your introduction could really be amazing. Happy writing!
concerto49 2008-03-18 ch 1,	abuseI like how you started off a little intruging, yet with an interesting attempt to capture and involve the readers. It also sounds a bit like a prohecy, and slowly dragged the readers in. There's a bit of suspense as well. Having said that, it does have a prologue-ish feel and it feels a little too distant and passive at times. Maybe you are trying to capture this shadow-type introduction, but felt a touch slow and out-of-context.
Kaiyako Kagami 2008-03-17 ch 1,	abuseHey! Well, this is a good first chapter, but a bit abstract. You didn't have much on the main character either, but then again those ARE typical first chapters. I really like how you wrote this, your style sticks out and it's a refreshing read. Good Work! Kaiyako K.
One Dead Raven 2008-03-16 ch 1,	abuseQuite dramatic! ^^ Lovely beginning, only thing I didn't like is that maybe it's /too/ dramatic, but I dont really think so. Got me interested, will continue reading when I get the time. ^^
Mari Knickerbocker 2008-02-07 ch 7,	abusewhat a nice little reward. and for a short chapter it wasn't tha bad, its a nice little setup for what might happen next. now why wouldn't she be leaving the appartment??
Mari Knickerbocker 2008-02-06 ch 6,	abuseits very interesting so far. i wonder where you are going to take it.
aneman333 2007-11-28 ch 3,	abuseI really like your writing style. You seem very good at capturing the emotions and thoughts of your character in words. As of yet, the story seems very reflective, though, and I would suggest making an effort to mix action with reflection- this last chapter was a great example of that. You mixed your character's actions and emotional reactions, making it seem more realistic. Keep it up. :D
Ghost Planet 2007-11-19 ch 3,	abuseIt's good, and not that confusing. You have to review mine, if you haven't already. 2 chapters that haven't been reviewed. Nods
Ghost Planet 2007-11-13 ch 2,	abuseIt's good, not excellent, but good. There were some parts where the sentences rushed along without a gap, e.g. and then there was a beautiful flower with yellow leaves that looked so pretty from this edge of the garden which was covered with pink flowers...etc etc. Nods But it's good.
Claire de Lys 2007-11-13 ch 2,	abuseWow I love your writing. Its realy natural and fuild, gripping right from the start!

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