FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Ryan Schiff 2007-11-13 ch 1,  | abuseFirst of all your formatting needs a lot of work. Remember that in poetry your punctuation determines when the reader pauses (in this case, the reader pauses after every "Who know,"). Line breaks serve this same purpose. In the last chuck it seems your formatting got smushed together (either that or you just wanted it to be all one line, but I'm going to be very generous and give you the benefit of the doubt.) Look closely at how you want this poem formatted, where they should be commas and punctuation, and at your word choice. You use a lot of cliché that are found in angst poetry, phrases such as "call me crazy, call me emo, ignore the warning...". These lines are repeated in all the thousands of angst poems are are written every day, and they have no weight, no meaning, and no poetic value. Consider strongly whether you want to use lines like these in your poem. ~RtS |