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| cfl 2008-05-09 ch 9, anon. | abuseno one uses wise arse ever. |
| GRAYTEXT 2008-04-26 ch 9,  | abuseGreat chapter. Characters can do that, change without you asking them, too. If you want to emphasize this, you could have Emma realize her shift in personality and have something else to think about. |
| GRAYTEXT 2008-04-12 ch 8, | abuseI'm glad you've updated. Andy is too cute. I look forward to seeing the twins. |
| Chip Douglas 2008-03-14 ch 1, | abuseI love the high school lingo; the narrator's tone is completely genuine. I do need to be able to follow the character from one room to the next, and I fear that you may lose some readers in in the motion. I don't think that characters can be shouting quite as much as you make them out to be - in reality if kids "without a single bad bone" scream, it has to be completely justified, and I don't think that your situations justify them. You actually don't lose any story by using words like "said" or "asked" instead of "screamed" or "yelled," and it makes the story more believable. I like the pun on mascera/massacred concerning makeup. Dad "praised" me would probably fit better than "complimented." Watch your punctuation. The phrase "whoop of laughter" also bothers me a little, though I know that others have used it. As with the shouting, a "whoop" has to be imaginable, and I can't hear a "whoop of laughter" in this instance. You also might be interested to know that even school principles can't require anger management without a school psychologists diagnosis of BC and, often, parental consent. Unless it's a private school; they can do whatever they want. |
| Writing Utensil 2008-02-17 ch 3, | abuseIt's random enough that I find it more believeable (I doubt I spelled that right) and I praise you on this detail. ^^ My mind wanders alot and this makes a big difference on how a person narrates a story. |
| Pinkamoo 2008-01-06 ch 1, | abuseOh, I just burped real big, be proud of me. Jebus Kristmas, you stole that off me. Word stealer. Anyways, lovely, lovely! Bravo! |
| GRAYTEXT 2007-12-14 ch 3, | abuseI like that Emma has a soft side. It actually makes her aggresion more believable. I look forward to seeing how her anger management classes go. |
| GRAYTEXT 2007-11-15 ch 2, | abuseYou have a great teenage voice. It makes me feel like I'm in high school again. |