Reviews for It Won't End ONESHOT

Alexandria Smith
2008-03-11
ch 1,

abuseAh, I remember reading this one on myspace. It's very realistic and descriptive even though it was short. it was great. I loved it!
oh- the only thing I would change is indentions and maybe making some paragraphs a bit more condensed... because it kind of stresses the reader out with long paragraphs.. and indentions also make them look a little more... whats the word? shorter I guess.
ok, well, awesome job... I know you probably won't change it, but hopefully you'll keep my advise in mind when you write another piece.
Alexandria Smith

Litheral
2007-11-15
ch 1,

abuseHmm, First the good.
Your feelings and emotions behind this are captivating. I can feel you through your work. These words seem to be written from a personal place within you heart. I loved it. You entrapped me with your delicious truth. However, the structure of the piece itself had me squinting in slight annoyance. To hear another person say your structure is annoying, is a hard thing to take. But as I promised, "Nothing but honest". :)

When you put in "End of flashback”, it ruins the mood you are cultivating. While some may ignore it, when you put it into words, I cannot help but be thrust away from the tale you are spinning to sitting at my keyboard rubbing my eyes and looking back again at the computer. It is startling when a author puts words in the middle of the story that are not within the realm of that story. Take out the words "flashback"&"End of Flashback". You can have a flash back without stating it.

Try having your main heroine thinking to herself and remembering the fateful night when he broke her heart. Maybe have her whisper to herself something like "oh god”, or whatever it is you feel she would say. Then space it and put the flashback in italics. Your reader will finish reading your story and realize the character had a flashback and that she concluded her lasting feelings on the matter. It is a satisfying ending.

Any comments of mine you would like to discuss, or any feelings you want to express (dissatisfaction or otherwise) PM me and I’ll be more then happy to discuss it over emails or IM on yahoo, msn, etc. ((Note to you: I congratulate you! I found no spelling errors!! A lot of authors have them, myself included, and I love to see someone who took the time to spell check an item. Well done.))

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