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| Artemis Anderson 2007-11-23 ch 1,  | abuseVery well done. Kudos. |
| Shadowed Mind 2007-11-17 ch 1, | abuseFirstly, I think this is a really well written piece - you've mastered the intricacies of the english language, it sounds beautiful. But my issue lies with the dialogue - I don't think it sounds real, but a little forced. I can't see a guy asking a girl why she drinks at a party. I could be wrong, but...within the context of the story, it jars me a little. On the other hand, the last line is excellently executed - it's unexpected, but it makes sense. It works really well, is what I think I'm trying to say, and it doesn't come across as cliché. I hope that's helpful. |