Good story

Another good one. Keep it up!
-Flare

Good work. As always, I enjoyed your work. Keep it up. And I love the language. Hee hee.
-Flare

Thanks for the special thanks. I like your writing. It is so unique, it's great. Keep it up!

Really cool! Good writing!

First of all, your story has great potential. Good work!Congratulations.
Now, let's get down to buisness:
1. Grammar - some of your sentences lack appropriate grammar, especially concerning verb tense and proper use of certain plural words. Be sure to not only check each sentence individually, but examine them as a whole to make sure that they fit together.
2. Context - context is really important for any writer who wants their story to be believable to their readers. Some of your character's words and actions, as well as occurences, are - to be blunt - awkward. For instance, the character is continually involved in events and conversations that are unexpected and somewhat random, making the story a little unrealistic. By making sure that your story's events connect (relevantly!), the reader will automatically be less confused and more interested in your story.
3. Lastly, "Show, don't Tell" - Subtly, paint a picture for your reader through your characters' words and actions. This is more exciting and more likely to capture your readers' attention than simply stating details and descriptions.
Aside from that, your story is wonderful. Keep writing!

I like this story so far... it could use a little bit of work (not a lot; it's really good), but I like it!

When will you be updating?