pretty good I like the idea. bit short- needs perhaps a little bit more discription. Reminds me of Anne Rices vampire chronicles (Akasha and enkil)if you haven't read them read them they're great!! love the names btw :)

AH.

SCARY.

scaryscaryvampires.

but i like this.

it's good.

:)

Everything about the story works, except for the last line...¨when fires will consume the earth¨. It sounds like a line from a B-grade fantasy movie. And for me it ruins what is otherwise an original take on the mythology. And God alone knows, it needs that. Keep it up! He he, it´ll probably surprise you that you´re getting a review for this so late. :) Hope you got a good grade.

It's awesome. Nice beginning and well written.
The only thing is that this strikes me as a prelude to a story. I know it says oneshot, so I'm wrong, but this really screams out prelude to me.
Very good.

Cittywolf

But I want to keep my head! *sobs*

Vampires is fresh to death, mayne. *grins*

It's above average. It's just a bit... morbid.

I loved that! You should think about writing another, longer vampire story sometime. Can't wait to see some more stuff from you!

Okay holmes, let me break it down for you... it was AWESOME! its better than my goddess that i had to create for english! man, that would be an awesome story... anywho, enjoyed it! i'm OUT!

I think that was a good version of how vampireds were created. I liked it. :)

I like it! I'm guessing your prompt for school is to make up a god or goddess or something like that? The only thing I'd say is to elongate the second paragraph. At the very end when you're explaining how they became a vampire and such, it seems a little rushed. Also, some wording in the first paragraph (nothing major, though). For example:
You Wrote:
Long ago in the Underworld, Hades and Selene had a child named Amarande, meaning immortal.
My Suggestion:
Long ago in teh Underworld, Hades and Selene concieved a child. They gave her the name Amarande. It meant immortal.
That's just my opinion, I could be totally off the mark. But I really do love the whole story and how it came about.