 eve 2009-04-12 . chapter 1 pretty good I like the idea. bit short- needs perhaps a little bit more discription. Reminds me of Anne Rices vampire chronicles (Akasha and enkil)if you haven't read them read them they're great!! love the names btw :) |
 friend 49 2008-03-07 . chapter 1AH.
SCARY.
scaryscaryvampires.
but i like this.
it's good.
:) |
 requiemofparadise 2008-03-06 . chapter 1Everything about the story works, except for the last line...¨when fires will consume the earth¨. It sounds like a line from a B-grade fantasy movie. And for me it ruins what is otherwise an original take on the mythology. And God alone knows, it needs that. Keep it up! He he, it´ll probably surprise you that you´re getting a review for this so late. :) Hope you got a good grade. |
 Cittywolf 2008-01-21 . chapter 1It's awesome. Nice beginning and well written.
The only thing is that this strikes me as a prelude to a story. I know it says oneshot, so I'm wrong, but this really screams out prelude to me.
Very good.
Cittywolf |
 InSilverShadows 2007-12-20 . chapter 1But I want to keep my head! *sobs*
Vampires is fresh to death, mayne. *grins* |
 N. J. Collins 2007-12-14 . chapter 1It's above average. It's just a bit... morbid. |
 AndroBard1364 2007-12-05 . chapter 1I loved that! You should think about writing another, longer vampire story sometime. Can't wait to see some more stuff from you! |
 ProcrastinationLUVSme 2007-11-19 . chapter 1Okay holmes, let me break it down for you... it was AWESOME! its better than my goddess that i had to create for english! man, that would be an awesome story... anywho, enjoyed it! i'm OUT! |
 ChemicalxDisturbance 2007-11-19 . chapter 1I think that was a good version of how vampireds were created. I liked it. :) |
 Samantha Elisabeth 2007-11-18 . chapter 1I like it! I'm guessing your prompt for school is to make up a god or goddess or something like that? The only thing I'd say is to elongate the second paragraph. At the very end when you're explaining how they became a vampire and such, it seems a little rushed. Also, some wording in the first paragraph (nothing major, though). For example:
You Wrote:
Long ago in the Underworld, Hades and Selene had a child named Amarande, meaning immortal.
My Suggestion:
Long ago in teh Underworld, Hades and Selene concieved a child. They gave her the name Amarande. It meant immortal.
That's just my opinion, I could be totally off the mark. But I really do love the whole story and how it came about. |