oh i liked how you put it together this way because now I am like yes it's the same Anna from Variables hehe. I guess the second part of this would be the third chapter maybe?

sorry this isnt a well thought out review or anything.

I liked this one too, a lot. You are so right, that about the first 3 to 4 months of dating we are blind to the others faults and annoying habits. I like how you were very descriptive. You used just enough to make it great but not to much to weigh it done. I didn't see anything wrong with this short. It was short and sweet and right to the point.

~Everything to you

Really cool. I would have started it with the glass of water and then have explained their relationship. I like it the way it is, but I think you could write a Julian's story, to explain his point of view about the whole ordeal. A relationship isn't doomed if the two work on it, so I don't think Julian should be blamed for everything. You said it yourself, he was like that because his upbringing and environment made him that way, so it's only fair to hear his story as well.

:D

Jessica.

I really like this. :) I think the re-write is much, much better than the first draft. It's clear that you have a good sense of what works and what doesn't. Comments on the second draft:

(1) Careful with the exclamation marks.

(2) While I like the diction, I don't think the tone is appropriate for the story. The narrator is sympathetic towards Anna but the language sounds stuffy to me, like Julian. I think you could cut words like 'penchant' and 'eschewed.'

(3) The Pygmalion allusion is a neat idea and I think you did a much better job of presenting it in this second draft. My only suggestion would be to cut the word 'metaphorical' in that sentence.

(4) In terms of plot, I wish you had opened with the scene where Anna reaches across the table and takes a sip of Julian's water. After you show Julian's horrified reaction, you could explain their tumultous relationship. The way the story is structured now, there is a lot of exposition. If you start right into the plot and fill in the holes later, I think the story would move a little better. (Also, the worry about bacteria sounds a little strange to me. Have Julian and Anna never kissed? If not, then I think the narrator should mention this and what it means to Anna.)

(5) I think the social commentary is too blatant. It's not wrong or inappropriate; I just think the narrator is biased to the point of dislike. You could make it more subtle by humanizing Julian. It seems like there is no middle ground for him...he is "nearly faultless" or "a whiny little girl at heart." I really like the ending ("Anna belonged in the sunshine.") but I don't really like that it seems like Anna is the victor. The narrator seems to blame Julian entirely for the breakup and that doesn't seem fair to me.

Overall, nice work. It's good to keep your old drafts but perhaps you should consider only posting the latest version on fp to make sure that's the version that's getting read?