FictionPress.com - let the words flow
| FictionPress.com - let the words flow |
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| Xalga 2007-11-20 ch 2,   | Your use of "tear duct" is a bit out of place in your writing. Please keep an eye on things like soundless and stomped along. Along with that watch out with the roar of the crowd and it being drowned out. Maybe a more imageric way of saying it would be better. Keep up the writing. |