hello i am sorry that im not logged but its one of those days wen you forget your pasword,but anyway wonderfull job my favrite part is "I am the snake that slithers in their corridors"but that is just a line that i like its all...oh its hard to put into words your amaseing! oh yeah and wen ever i logg in my name is (lady mahayla) and yes i know i have no stores yet but im waiting till i get something into my thick scull but if i do rite a story it will be inuyasha and it will be a sessh\kago paring!GOODBYE

I like it. I think a few words could be switched out to make it flow a bit better, but as a whole it works well. I like how you showed the different warriors/heroes over the times as well.

I like the many allusions you included. It reminds me a bit of The Rolling Stone's Sympathy for the Devil.
"I am the sands of time dragging beneath their feet" does, like you said in your note, draw an image in my mind. And it's eerie.

I think that this was very well written. I think the way that you referred to things like Hercules strengthens this piece and made it more unique. I think the way that you wrote in the first person added to the effect also. I think it makes you look in a different way at the same scene. That's good. I don't really have to much criticsm. Certain poems don't have a good flow or enough figurative language or stuff of that sort, but I don't really think that I can say too much about yours. It was nice. Good work.