hello Atlante...I miss you ...you know I just figured out what those little fan fic things in my inbox were I thought they were spumy thingamadoos but they turned out to be a link to you gilded tears ...so beautiful they pierce. the litany of metaphors is well executed I will say it's wonderful but I know you liked "constructive criticism" so I'm not sure if it would work but maybe get rid of the "of" in the 4th line it would make it a stark statement and more together if that makes any sense whatsoever counterwise yours always ring with a peculiar depth of imagery in so small a turn of phrase so maybe leave it just as it is
Zion D

this one is good, it's an interesting concept and had depth in its brevity. nice job.