Reviews for A Spring of Hope - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: A Spring of Hope - Reviews: Page 1 of 3

kittyluvr1 2008-07-09 ch 9,	abuseGood chapter in showing the interaction between Jason, Lily and Hannah.
Mercyette 2008-05-24 ch 8,	abuseAww, I absolutely loved the ending to this chapter! Jason was really sweet when he attempted to console Hannah and I loved Hannah's last remark of the chapter. It gave me "the warm, fuzzy" feeling. Great job! Again, I felt that there were a lot of unnecceasry details. I'd like to see this story cover less ground and the ground it does cover in more depth. But that's just me >.< It's still a great atory and I'll be looking out for more updates!
Mercyette 2008-05-24 ch 7,	abuseI felt like the family was more in tune with each other in this chapter, which adds a lot the the story. Great job in that aspect. You also seem to have changed Hannah's personality a bit now that she's out of the hospital. She more entertaining now. I like that as well. Again, there are part I felt that could have been left out. I have a bit of a suggestion, though I don't know if it'll help. Perhaps you could stop writing minute-to-minute detail like you have. That may make the chapter a bit short and a bit more inviting to potential readers. Again, length is not a bad thing, just something I thought I'd mention. Reading on...
Mercyette 2008-05-24 ch 6,	abuseWell, I have to say that Aunt Nora really is a character. Despite all her eccentrecies, I still like her. She seems to be quite the well-rounded character, just like Jason. Great job with your character developement! Also, I loved that fact that she woke up with Jason! >.< That was so cute! I suggest that you split up the big paragraph you have when Lilly and Charlie were talking, as it was a little daunting to read. (I liked the sarcasm in it though). Also, you might want to proof-read a bit before posting if you can resist the temptation! I have the same problem! >.< Great chapter and reading on!
Mercyette 2008-05-24 ch 5,	abuseI love the ending! What a great cliff-hanger. It really leaves me wanting more! I also think you did a lot better with the length of this chapter. I wasn't as tempted to skim as I previously was. Awesome job! You might want to put your story into more sturdy paragraphs. It makes it easier for the reader, but that's just my opinion. Either way is fine, I guess. Reading on!
Mercyette 2008-05-24 ch 4,	abuseI like how you had a little confrontation with Lilly and her mother. I think it helps some now that she's starting to tell her mother what she feels. I'm just glad it wasn't me, because if I hung up on my mother, I'd be picking myself out of the drywall. >.< Great job on that! I felt that this chapter was a little too longwinded. You could have done away with quite a few details and still had a successful chapter, like with the bit when she was at school. Plus, if the chapters were a little shorter, it wouldn't be so intimidating. But don't worry. I have the same problem! Readind on!
Mercyette 2008-05-24 ch 3,	abuseReview for the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in lookup) I have to say that I like Jason already. He's so sweet. I also liked the fact that it was Hannah that had actually wanted Lilly to come. I thought it was very touching. ^.^ I would suggest putting a little more detail into your story, either that or leave out some of the dialoge so that you have a balance between the two. It's nicer to read that way, but it's just a thought. Great Job. I'll have to read on.
Susannah Simon 2008-01-30 ch 8,	abusewatch out for meaningless dialogue! that's too bad that hannah's friends ditched her. i wonder if her friends are going to tell everyone else at school... and what's going to happen when hannah comes back to school without any hair?? ok. now that i'm caught up, i'm gonna share some tips about plotline (hehe. i read books about plot. im a dork): the plot of a story is the lead character with a goal. first there's a disturbance in the story (in this case, lilly's life was DISTURBED when hannah got cancer). then there's a doorway (a shift in the story that is irreversible and leads to the major middle part of the story). in this story, it seems to be hannah's relapse and meeting jason... not quite clear. make note of that :D. and then there's the middle part, conflict, blah blah blah. then there's the second doorway which leads to the final confrontation between the lead and the major obstacle or opposition that is preventing the lead from reaching the goal. just something to think about as you write. feel free to message me if you're confused. i really enjoy reading this story! and i'm feeling very attached to all these characters. can't wait to read more! post soon!
Susannah Simon 2008-01-30 ch 7,	abuseaw it's cute that lilly and hannah are bonding again. one thing (ha, sorry. i always have to do criticism): the last little part after the computer entry could be a really deep conversation. you could turn it into that, or just leave it out, because right now it doesn't really have a purpose (at least, it seems like it doesn't. if you have a special plan for it, do whatever :D) i'm almost caught up! chapter 8, here i come!
Susannah Simon 2008-01-30 ch 6,	abuseooh i like the religious undertones in this story. i wonder if it'll cure hannah's disease... one thing: aunt nora sounded kinda immature. i can't remember the last time i heard a very religious adult using sarcasm with her niece! also, i would convey the concern that aunt nora has for lilly a little more clearly, and maybe emphasize it a little more. i could tell it was there, but it would be better if it were stronger. is this old man a priest or something? i wonder if he's related to jason... hm... ok next chapter :D
Susannah Simon 2008-01-30 ch 5,	abuseah found out what was up with jason :D old man in the park was a little creepy. i would have been pretty freaked out. maybe put in what lilly was thinking when he suddenly started talking to her. and why's glen so mean?!?!?! i hope there's a good reason for it. and in the last sentence, did she faint from her injuries or from who opened the door? guess i'll find out in the next chapter! haha. good so far!
Susannah Simon 2008-01-30 ch 4,	abusem i would suggest reading through this chapter again. you left a few loose ends, at least, it seemed so to me. like: did lilly actually read the bible passage? or did she ignore it again? where was jason when lilly missed the bus? etc. just read it over, and you'll find it. also, watch for the cancer issue. chemotherapy makes your hair fall out really fast, and it doesn't grow back quickly. so when you're describing hannah's hair, make sure her hair is really short! also, i don't know of a hospital that doesn't specialize in cancer. haha! i work in a hospital, and not having a cancer ward seems a little absurd. maybe have hannah suffer from a rare form of cancer? a complex ewings sarcoma? you pick. do a littl research about it :D and, cancer doesn't affect the bloodstream. the chemo reduces white blood cell count, but the cancer itself is a malignant tumor. saying where the tumor is would also benefit the story :D if you have any questions about the medical aspects of your story, feel free to ask me! and, (sorry this is kinda a long review. haha) um why did lilly not get into fights until today? and is there an underlying meaning to these sudden fights? if not, why are they part of the story? just things to think about. i like the plotline so far! i'll review the next chapter in a little bit :D good job so far!
Susannah Simon 2008-01-30 ch 3,	abusei liked when he ran into that doctor! it got me really worried. this whole chapter was really cute :D i loved it! except running into the nurse right after seeing the doctor was a little overkill. great chapter though! ok onto the next one :) i really like this story!
Susannah Simon 2008-01-29 ch 2,	abuseoh relapse! i totally didn't see that coming. one thing that could make your writing better: i read a quote from stephen king about making your writing concise and making every word important. if there's something that could be left out, leave it out. besides description, i agree. some of the dialogue is cute, cuz it's so awkward, but it's unnecessary and it makes the pace seem to drag. just keep that in mind :) i don't know if i'll get to the next chapter tonight. if i don't, i'll have the whole thing reviewed by the end of this week. :D good so far! i like the plotline. work on developing the characters! especially Lily. i kinda like her more now...
Susannah Simon 2008-01-29 ch 1,	abuseLily's a brat. haha just had to get that out of my system. it sounds like she's a total drama queen. the first computer diary entry was kind of confusing the way it was written. Looks good so far though. i would make Lily's complaints more general, like "why don't my parents love me like they love hannah?" interesting plotline so far! i loved the mom's panic when she saw the bruise! really picked up the pace. onto the next chapter!

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