Reviews for Save Me - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Save Me - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

xhianglian 2008-06-30 ch 1,	abuseit is SO not stupid its wonderful and sweet!
xXvamp-obsessionXx 2008-06-23 ch 1,	abuseThis was not stupid or bad at all. I read "Giving Up" also, and I think that you may be right about that one. I mean... good grammar, good description, etc. and I really liked it... but there were some plot holes and I couldn't stand the ending! If you don't like criticism then just completely ignore me... because I know that while I usually get over it after a while, criticism really ** me off for a while when I get it! But anyway... keep writing... and you seem like a cool person that I would like to get to know. Do you have msn? ~Kim
darkgurl92 2008-04-26 ch 1,	abuseaww..how cute...cole and val...
Hyperroll 2008-03-10 ch 1,	abuseah, ending so cute. aw. but uhh, no, it was good. seriously. a bit cliche, but no matter cause it's well written and... good. yup.
Sobriquets 2008-02-09 ch 1,	abuseI think your story has a lot of potential. From my point of view, I know no story is ever really perfect, but your story is definitely close, but I still see some things in your story I think you can change, or you should at least know about. First off, I think the beginning third person point of view really threw me out of whack when you changed the view back to first. I didn't really feel connected with the character when the change came. I suggest you stick to either third person or first. Another thing that came to my attention is I think this story developed a little quickly, but it is a one shot, so it's no big deal. I think you have a great writing style, but maybe you ought to adjust a few things to make it better. I'd love to read another one shot. Katie
heartfeltlove 2007-12-29 ch 1,	abusecoolness
Kaede Kitsurani 2007-12-18 ch 1,	abuseIt wasn't bad. =) I liked it. Nice job.
DancingChaChaFruit 2007-12-16 ch 1,	abuseWoo. You know what this reminded me of? Well, two things actually. The song "Face Down" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus--especially when Cole was asking Ben if pushing Valerie around made him feel like a man and such--and the book Dreamland by Sarah Dessen. If you've never read the latter, I recommend it. Anyway, this was a very deep one-shot. If you don't mind some critique, I think some of what this lacked was emotion and realism. On the former subject, I think some of the emotions in this one-shot could/should have been described more in depth. Especially when Ben left the apartment and at the end with Cole's confession. On the aspect of realism--well, I've never been abused, but from what I've read and heard about, Valerie did not act like someone who has been abused (especially by a significant other). Victims often feel as though they deserve being beaten because they've screwed up (at the beginning, Valerie would probably have been feeling guilty about leaving something for Ben to trip over. Or she would have fretted that duh, she shouldn't have put the furniture where it was so easy to run into). And at the end, I think she would have been a lot more devastated at Ben's leaving. If she had been dating him for three years and hadn't left him even though he beat her, she obivously had at least very strong feelings for him even if she didn't love him. (In Dreamland, the girl actually had to be institutionalized because of her acceptance of the abuse. I'm not saying this happens to all victims--I wouldn't know--but it gives you an idea of how traumatized these people really are.) And just to throw this in, I think that this one-shot flew by a little too quickly. Certain things seemed to happen too rapidly(Cole's confession at the end). I think you could do with fleshing out the characters and adding more about Cole's and Valerie's relationship. Okay, that's all. I think this story really has a great amount of potential. You don't necessarily have to pay attention to what I said about abuse victims, because I'm sure it does vary, but I really do think you should try and add in more emotion/descriptions of the emotion. This was not, however, poorly written, and I think you have a lot of talent to work with. Happy writing!
explosion of planes 2007-12-16 ch 1,	abusei like this and cole is awesome i'm kind of braindead right now and i don't know what else to say but i really liked this
x3life 2007-12-16 ch 1,	abuseomgg this was really good. =) and originall!! lovedd itt
multiples of six 2007-12-05 ch 1,	abuseNice story. I feel like the abuse part was pretty realistic (not that I would know, though) but some things seemed to happen really suddenly, like Cole deciding to help Val.. if he and Natalie had known about it for a while, why did they pick then to act on it? Also, Ben leaves without putting up much of a protest, and the whole love declaration also happens pretty fast. If this were a little more fleshed out I feel like it could be REALLY good. =)
Lily Llynn 2007-12-03 ch 1,	abuseI had this super awesome review written but Fictionpress's stupid glitch pretty much deleted it, I think. Basically, I love this, and thanks to xoxluurve for adding this to our c2. (:
GrannyP 2007-12-03 ch 1,	abuseI'm reading this when I am supposed to be working... shh.. don't tell. Anyway, I thought it was pretty good. I'm glad that you didn't have them confess their feelings for each other right after the big confrontation scene. I was worried that would happen, and it would be weird. But anyway, the way you did it worked better. Good job.
SexyCinderella 2007-11-29 ch 1,	abuseI love this, is fantastic. Go cole!! Poor Val finally found someone who loved her. Keep writting! Love MAG
Ditsychick 2007-11-27 ch 1,	abuseYAYZ FOR COLE! I like Cole. He's good people. I really liked this story, but it seemed a bit to short. And it changed to drastically. It went from Ben beating on Val and being horrible, to Cole saying I love you, way to fast. There should've been more in between. Time to build up the characters. I mean, yeah, right from the start you get the idea that Cole loves her, but it was still to sudden. Other than that I have no complaints. It's goin' on my fav's list. ;)

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