FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| R. N. Washburn 2007-11-25 ch 1,  | abusePretty interesting. It was very quick and precise, and got to the point. The choppy sentences were pretty appropriate, I found, so I had no problem with those, especially when something big is happening right away. I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a longer story or a bit of flash fiction, and while the need to know more is there (such as who is killing her, and why she is being killed), I think it's fine as an extremely short piece. The idea of the consciousness staying in the body after death is a pretty frightening concept that I've seen a few times before. Still pretty eerie. I started a lot of sentences with "Jenny", but I think it sort of enhances the impact in a way. |