Interesting discussion topic. Hm, I found the wording getting into the way at times. I had to pause and read again. The other thing is it's a little weird - in terms of it's trying to be personal and colloquial, yet it misses out a little. The idea was cool though and the way you got it across with second person. I like how you're totally pushing the reader with the comments, but at the same time, it's a little too one-sided.

rg

what i liked-the idea behind it and the cuthroat delivery. high school whores are the best characters somedays.

what i didnt-it seemed more like an angry letter than an actual story. perhaps that was the point and i missed it.

Review Game!

I like the concept of this story. You did a good job of taking a typical high school cliche' and pretty much beating it to a bloody pulp. I also liked the first person narration. It gave a lot of insight to how the main character was thinking, and it also shows the reader how angry she is. My only suggestion would be to try to make this flow more chronologically. Sometimes, it felt like you were just throwing random ideas out there. Overall, this was very well-written. Good job!

Love this. It's so mean and chilling. I think your narrator's tone is absolutely perfect, because it's the right kind of bitter for the situation. You can tell she's been hurt by Lara and is just lashing out. You packed so much emotion into such a short piece.

This isn't a criticism, more an observation: I feel like I'm not sure who to feel more sorry for: the narrator, for losing her boyfriend, or Lara, for essentially throwing her life away (well not really throwing, but you know what I mean). I almost have more sympathy for Lara, because you can tell she's sort of just completely fallen.

theres a lot of power behind this.
may i ask if it is true?
either way, i adore it. great job. adding to favs.

I've read some of your stuff before this and I LOVE your style. this one's good by concept, and there are great ideas, but sometimes it juts elaborates too much over one idea. well written regardles

(and by the way, im looking for people to write novels alongside so taht we read and critique each other's work, so should if you're interested, I've got a prologue up to and a few more chapters written)

Ah, Isn't high school wonderful? Great job with this, I'm sure everyone can relate at least a little. Love the attitude of the narrator, it makes the story just that much more enjoyable. Very nice work! ^.^

~Dawn

Those are some strong emotions there. I like your voice.

Ooh, I like this. I love the way the girl that narrates just shoves so much take-no-shit attitude at Lara. Good job.