Hmm... A script format might work but I personally don't think to highly of it. I'm just saying that if you want to go into writing it's best to go with how you're doing it. Another intriguing chapter. Kdh.

How dramtic. I like this chapter and more to the point, where it is leading. If you would really like to improve your writing I could hook you up with the best neta on the site. She's a friend of mine and I'm sure she'd help. Kdh.

I decided to make it easier for you to understand where I was correcting/critiquing that I would do it by scene.

Scene 1: Why is Liam okay with burning people and homes but not brave enough to be in front of Belial? If someone is that desensitized with death, why are they emotionally crippled in front of others? Also, if Liam destroyed all the infected homes (including the Master's b/c you said that his master came down w/ the disease as well) then how was he able to read stuff in the scrolls? He would either have to take the scrolls out of the home or he wouldn't be able to have them at all. Pick one. Then, towards the end, explain more about Belial's "generosity". It doesn't make sense that Liam wants his family and friends back but then is suddenly okay with them not remembering who he is.

Scene 2: instead of "while suit" it should be "white suit"

Scene 4: instead of "flew (literally)" put something like "flew in an arc over..." b/c we get it's a magical fight scene.

Scene 7: doesn't sound right when bouncer talking. "haven't seen in a while...last night". Choose one or the other. Now, some grammer lessons: "cocked back A fist" instead of "cocked back fist".

Scene 8: More grammer boys and girls! Yeehah! "do anyTHING rash" instead of "do any rash". All of the following shouldn't be capitalized, instead put a comma where the period is and make them lowercase. "'...above the law'. Replied Liam" "'...following the law.' Said the" "'...much I can tell.' Replied" "'...him from the area.' Replied" "'...evening, my dear.' Said the boy". My last little bits of help; when the boy says "my...my...my" it should be commas and not elipses. Plus, why is Hina okay w/ this boy but not with Liam?

That's all! So far so good. I enjoyed it, felt like I was in an anime cartoon or something. In fact, if you don't mind me saying so, I believe this might work better as a screenplay for anime than a novel/story but it's your decision!

Very interesting so far. The characters are well thought out and there's a good amount of description. Keep up the good work and I'm looking forward to reading more.

I like the Green Court, sounds cool. Another good chapter, very informative. Kdh.

I like it. I know how bad those pesky mortals can be too. ^-^ Kdh.

A little... short. I can honestly say that was a chapter with some character though.

How interesting. I can only imagine the chaos to come from this. Bwuhahahahahahahahaha. Kdh.

Good chapter but I would make a few suggestions to help you improve your writing style. Just slow down a little and put more detail into your scenes. I myself have the same problem sometimes but the extra effort is worth it. THe plot is good though. Kdh.

An interesting start, I look forward to more. Kdh.