FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| Lyra Roseshard 2008-07-24 ch 1,  | abuseThis is good! At the transition from after fishing to the mast falling on him sortove confused me, maybe it is just me. I like the description of the carriage/orrore. And am I right that who Jacob gives Leonard to is God? Well, keep it coming, I want more :) |
| Bob Evans 2008-04-11 ch 1, | abuseInteresting. Very interesting. I wish you had put a little more detail in the transition between his week of learning. Maybe instead of a paragraph jump, go into detail, elaborating on what you said in the next. Something like: "Leonard told Jacob many things. He told him about the countless Soul Drivers from before, their duty in all ages, and the histories they had seen unfold." Expound upon and such. Although, I'm afraid this doesn't fit under the category of Science Fiction. Supernatural, yes. Maybe even Spiritual or Horror or Folklore, but not Sci-Fi. Still, good job. Keep writing. ~Bob Evans |