i love all the commas; they add to the mood, and make it suond like the narrator keeps having afterthoughts.

"since, you know, you are dead and/I'm still breathing" - my favorite line. there's just something very morosely tidy about that line; it's very honest and the words are neutral, but there's a sad, almost bitter feeling.

the ending is profound; it ties everything together.

& i love it.
your writing never ceases to amaze me.

"Yeah, well, so do I." Aha! I love this line; the fact that the speaker suggests a competition between himelf and God is fascinating!

"You are dead, and I'm still breathing." Full of angst!

"God hasn't called in a few years now." Oh my God! This line is PHENOMENAL, as well as incredibly heart-breaking! :)

If you think God hasn't call in for a while,
It may be time for you to get a new phone.

THIS IS AMAZING.
I love this, excellent work.

it's gorgeous. I love how cynical it is, especially the end. another wonderful piece from you!

I love the way this read like someone speaking to me. It made quite the impression. You’ve also done a really nice job at capturing a lot of emotion in not many words. I love the sorrow and cynicism of this piece. Keep up the great work.

Your words are sharp and true. Well done.

this seems so fresh from you



how have you been?

I liked your utilization of breaks, parenthesis, and imagery. But, the ending is really what pulled me in and made me love the poem. Great work. The ending says so much more than you've written, and that's what makes a work excellent... when it transcends the boundaries of language/words and takes on a new meaning, deep and powerful.

write on.

interesting.. I like it.. especially the last 2 lines

don't get this review wrong because i really do love this piece and for some reason, the second stanza made me laugh.

"but, then again, I could be wrong/God hasn’t called in a few years now"

God calls to people in whispers, we hardly hear Him because we usually aren't listening for Him. and God may have called you once before but He's not obligated to call you again.

sorry, i don't mean to get all preachy or whatever.

/but, then again, I could be wrong
God hasn’t called in a few years now/

Wonderful.