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| productofdreams 2008-10-02 ch 1,  | abuseI probably won't read the next chapter since this one left me with goosebumps. FIrst off: Not crazy about the whole lesbian theme but somehow it kinda works. I like how you're stuck trying to figure out how JAmie died and then at the end learn that the main character, whatever her name is, is the murderer. I read the other review you had and I don't think you need to build up on that theme. I kind of like how you get used to the main character and then at the end realize she's insane, instead of already getting a clue. You're really good at this. Honestly, I was surprised. So kudos to you for writing such a good story. |
| Nub in Denial 2008-06-22 ch 1, | abuseWow. Just... wow. That was fantastic. The idea behind this makes me shiver. I can't imagine having a friend let alone a lover who had a secret compulsion to kill all of the women she slept with. I love it. The only thing I can suggest is that you add in a few more instances where she thinks like a killer to make it more realistic. For instance, it might help to add more of the same sorts of thoughts as this: "I nodded in reply, not sure how to voice my own opinion. Those three women were, most likely, all prostitutes. And basically, they deserved such a brutal way to die then." That part gives the reader an understanding of the mc's lack of empathy for the women that she kills. If you were ever to go back and revise this piece, my suggestion would be to build on that. But maybe you wanted her to seem less like someone who kills women as a pastime and more like a woman who loves someone she can never be with? Either way, this story goes on my favorites 'cause it's absolutely lovely. -Nub |