Well it's been a long time coming, but I've finally gotten around to checking out this story.

Let's start with description. When it comes to the characters it's excellent. As for the world around them, I have a hard time understanding where they are (I don't mean the world itself as a whole, I'm referring to the immediate surroundings.) It's not bad I'm just a description lover.

The only thing that really concerns me is that I don't feel much background to it. Who are the Faralyss? What made them so evil? (I believe you touched on it briefly but I still can't quite get the whole picture) What exactly did Edward do to betray Cara? The major thing being just Edward in general, he plays a major role in the overall story but we don't hear much about him.

As for basic errors I didn't see hardly any, which is pretty darn good for a story this long.

All in all, good read I'd like to see more on this.

Cool, finally have time to read this. Yay, soo cool, the story getting more mysterious...

You hypocrit! Here u r telling me not to use the word "said". But you used it once! You used the word said, so I should be able to!

Let me just say one thing about world descriptuion: You need to know everything there is to know about your characters (birthdays, too) and enviroment beofre you ever start writing a chapter. That's where brainstorming comes in. If you don't work on these things, they'll act as a huge plot hole that suck in the other parts of your story. I can't imagine a world like mine with magic befcause I'm not sure what that would be like. Who can do magic, who can't? Are there schools for learning magic? What are the rules of magic in your universe? Don't expet the reader to know a thing. You're suposed to be the one with all fo the answers, so tell them to us.

Sorry about that. I'm trying to help you. Moving on...

“The middle of no where,” figured Mira with a shrug.

"No where" should be "nowhere".

The old man with the cane seems a little too eager to gicve information. His villiage was just attacked. Shouldn't he be a little... "standoffish"? Just my opinion, though.

All in all, good chapter. The story is comming along quite nicelly. and I enjoy reading each chapter almost as much as I love cirtisizing them. JK, plz don't take offense.

I've discovered what you're strong point in writing is: Characterization! That's why you use differant POV's all the time. Because each one shows the viewpoints and persona of each person in your stroy. You could write the same chapter three times in three differant point of views, and have three differant chapters. And that's a good thing.

That being said, I've found what your weakness is: Setting. I still don't know if this story takes place in earth. I'm assumming it does because it has stuff like planes and hotels in it. Yet it has magic, and the names are diefinatly NOT human. Does this take place in an alternate Earth, possibly another dimension that has similar technology to Earth? I'd like to know these answers.

-Cmalot7

Interesting way to get info across. The idea of having the story from a differant POV every chapter is kinda wierd, but I do crazy stuff too. BTW, spoiling your own story kills sespense, even if a character is't going to die. It's good if the reader is wondering something. Don't give the answer away. BTW, if you recomend my soties on your profile, I'll recomend yours.

-Gotta work on Chris and maridia some more, WOD

Changing the story's POV for each chapter? Interesting idea. And don't worry, your romance scenes are gold compared to mine. Kepp it up.

ME

I just read the first two chapters, but i really like the story. I have to ask though, whats with all the N's? Its a little weird, I would suggest the line breaks instead, makes it look a bit cleaner.
Over all though a good story and I'm planning to read the rest of it.

~Lorki

“Actually, Heaven is filled with lots of hot chicks and my grandma’s pound cake, but this room is certainly the right color.”

Yah, I wish! Just kidding

Could you plz explain how to pronounce a few of your names? thanx

Ravansca and Kavansca, neh? Eh, don't worry, I'm not angry.

Layna was a pretty good character. Poor Miasaaka!

I thought that this took place in an alternate diminsion. And now they're reading "War and Peace", with dragons in it? You need to specify which universe this is taking in. The wird names and dragons give the idea that this is in another world, but you lost me with "War and peace" and a few other things. Pretty intersting, though.

This chapter's good, but I felt that if the characters saw a person who had a helping hand in a murder, they would have fought that person. That's just me though.

ironic, really. First his sis, now him...kinda sad. ='( anyway, i hope to read more as you now have my complete interest. PLz keep writing as I will continue to check up on this story. -Salem

good except the story is running a tad fast. Maybe slow it down a bit, extend scenes, like rikka's death, like the scene between mia and cara. Idk, just for an example. -Salem