Hazel!
Man oh man, you got a LOT of comments on this story.
I'm so happy to be a part of it!
Write another one, and don't take 3 years to complete it!
But make it long. Long. Like, forever-long. =)

WHY DID I DIE? Oh, 'cause you saved me, right.
I DIDN'T WANT TO DIE. Did I tell my mom you killed me?
So much for her buying pizza for you! Dx

--Angel
--SUBJECT TO NIGHTMARES 'cause of this story. =)
--I love you.

Author,

I'd like to begin by saying that this is an original and very intriguing work. I've always been a fan of the horror genre, and I think this fits in the same niche that Silent Hill does.

I was surprised by the coherent writing style that you present. If you have read any other of the completed horror works on Fiction Press, I think you'll know what I'm talking about.

The characterization of Hazel and Mitchell very well done. As well as how Hazel's slow descent into madness. However if I am wrong about the Latter, I apologize.

The only thing I find hindering in your work, is the incoherency, or rather the gap between scenes. With some chapters you jump right into it, with the air of assuming we know whats going on. Especially the morgue scene. I reread that four or five times to see if I missed something.

The first scene Mitchell advises them to sleep, and in the next scene you start with only three characters. It's not the fact that you started with only three characters that I found confusing, it's that you talked as if they were the only three in the room, where in the last scene there were half a dozen.

Its not a rampant occurrence in your piece, but there are a couple of instances of it.

Other than that, this piece is well written. You handled the bewilderment of the characters in certain scenes in such a way to convey it across to the readers, and have the readers understand whats going on, yet have them bewildered too.

I hope that you continue writing, and wish you well in you're endeavors. I look forward to reading your next piece.

In sincerity and constructive criticism,

Sophocles

Oh, wow! This story was awesome! I'm kinda sad that it's over... I'm going to keep an eye out for a sequel if you do decide on making one ;D

I kinda found this story when there were twetny something chapters...sorry for not reviewing! But yes, grade-A masterpeice. Absolutely loved it.

It's over? NO! It was an awesome story, thanks for thanking me! You have to write a sequel ASAP! I enjoyed the wild ride through Banalworld and I hope your other readers did too! ^_^

Awesome chapter, very psychological and awesome! The way you described the thoughts was awesome, and I can't wait to read the next chapter to find out what's going to happen to you and your friends!

Oh no, they were attacked! I wonder what's going to happen now! The man is really evil, I don't like him at all!

Kevin's there? That doesn't seem good! Reading on...

Awesome chapter, reading on...

Now there's four again! I can't wait to see what happens next, so I'll read on!

Awesome, they escaped! I wonder what's going to happen next, and what's up the stairs! Reading on...

Creepy, I love how you described the jail cell, and the little game your involved in now! ^_^

Ugh. Unpleasant chapter ending.

I'm really liking this...enough to have read all the way through it, which is not something I normally have the attention span to do. It's funny but at the same time packed with creepy, creepy images...I would have to say the scariest thing about it is how trapped they are, though. I'm rooting for them to get out, but I don't know what you have in mind.

Looking forward to seeing more!

Creepy, living mannequins! I can't beleive Kevin turned on them again! Update soon, cause I can't wait to find out what happens after you wake up!

I think the camera is the thing playing tricks, I hope it's the camera anyway! Great story, reading on...

I wonder what happened to the world! I would scream to if I had just been fighting zombie-like creatures and suddenly they turned into reglar people and animals lying in their own blood! Reading on...