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Reviews For: me his girlfriend? - Reviews: Page 1 of 7

MeaningAwaits
2008-06-16
ch 2, anon.
abusehey... it's getting really good!! YAY!
naningxoxo
2008-04-17
ch 18,
abuseAlthough I thought the ending was a bit of a jump from the last chapter time-wise, it was still okay. Umm.. a few things you can work on throughout the story but pretty good overall.
Rhythm.Of.My.Soul
2008-04-04
ch 18,
abuseAWW. What a beautiful ending. Good job!
Rhythm.Of.My.Soul
2008-04-04
ch 17,
abuseAww! It was sweet. Not too rushed so it's all good. I'm happy you didn't over extend the misery of the story you know? So yeah. I loved it! Great job!
The Datura Rose
2008-04-02
ch 18,
abuseaw! I love this story!! ! ! The prologue is very well written! Please keep writing more stuff as good as this!
~Sophia
ImOddSoWut
2008-04-02
ch 18,
abuseIs this the end?
The Datura Rose
2008-04-02
ch 16,
abuseTasted dangerous?? seriously? (It's reminding me of the whole eyes flying over the ground, but taken literally thing. who knew you could tasted danger?)
~Sophia
-RomanticallyCliched-
2008-04-02
ch 18,
abusenice! finished story?
Izzey
2008-04-02
ch 18,
abuseomg! i loved the entire story! i wish it wasn't over already
ValuedOpinion
2008-04-01
ch 18,
abuseohh haha sorry. I guess I should have read that part before asking about Malachi. hehe oops. good story by the way.
Roselyn Flores
2008-04-01
ch 18,
abuseAw! Such a cute ending! I really loved this story!
ValuedOpinion
2008-04-01
ch 17,
abusedid she ever forgive Malachi??
SammiSammiLynn
2008-04-01
ch 18,
abuseI Love your story by the way.
Is this the End or is there gonna be more?
chuu x3
2008-04-01
ch 1,
abuseFrom what I've read of it so far, it's fairly good.

However, you need to watch your semicolon useage(is that a word??!?).

For instance:

"She laughed loudly as the boy’s faces contorted into a frown; that was when the war begun; but only between her and Slade."

should be:

"She laughed loudly as the boys' faces contorted into a frown; that was when the war began, but only between her and Slade."



This occurs in more than one sentence and disrupts the smooth flow of reading.

I suggest using a beta reader, or you can run through it a few times before posting.

Keep writing!

ps: It might just be me that's bothered with that though, I'm a total grammar nazi. Bwahaha.
Rhythm.Of.My.Soul
2008-04-01
ch 16,
abuseWhoah. I LOVED the chapter. The SladexxKam part in the beginning was sweet. I love the explanation of what happened to Daniel. It reminds me of the movie of a chick with that disease.

Great chapter!! I hate cliffy endings, but you wrote it well
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