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| Liebe Dance 2007-12-06 ch 1,  | abuseI liked this. It was very fluent and the emotions and feelings came across well. I loved how the colour blue seemed to be a metaphore/symbol for the problems that the narrator is having but also the resolve of the problem. The first part was very detailed, which is a good thing. The second part seemed a bit short though. I feel like maybe you could've gone more into the emotional part of having to gain wait after being hospitalized for anorexia. Maybe instead of saying "It was weird talking about your personal problems to a complete stranger" say something about what you said, how you said it, why it was weird. Also, you sometimes change verb tenses or change between single and plural. For example, in the sentence I just pasted in, I think you should mabye have written "about my personal problems." Just watch that, sometimes one doesn't always realize they've changed stuff like that. I really liked this. Great job. |
| From Within The Shadows 2007-12-05 ch 1, | abusevery, very well written |