Reviews for Chronicles of Avairean: Dragonblade

Reviews For: Chronicles of Avairean: Dragonblade - Reviews: Page 1 of 4

wolfblood82 2008-04-10 ch 14,	abuseWell, glad to see you update on this one again... anyway, it seems interesting that Rai'chan and Baxorth have their own individual pasts. Hope to see more of them in the future. :) Anyway, on the fighting scenes, I do find them ok, but one problem I've seen here is that you don't really describe the movements that much and that in itself is an integral part in fighting scenes. I can't really say what style this is though. Definitely not anime and typial fantasy. I would say they resemble reality in a very real sense. Just one advice here: I advise you to have a go in playing or at least observe people playing fighting games, be it 2-D or 3-D and take note of the movements and special moves. In this way, it can help a lot in doing fighting scenes depending on how you want to implement it. I know what I'm doing because I pretty much did the same for my stories as well. Anyway, hope to see you review my stories again soon. It's been a real long time since you did that. ;)
faerie-gumdrops 2008-04-10 ch 14,	abuseAwesome! So glad to see this updated again! I have missed these guys. Ooh Rai'chan and Baxorth have history! Interesting! I like the way his mother is constantly looking over his shoulder in her own special Goddessy way - I imagine she could be the mother in law from Hell or something. Ah silly Baxorth for letting his emotions get the better of him. Still love the guy though. 'The rain both soothed and stung his exposed skin' I liked this - kind of like an oxymoron in action. 'One moment they were walking through the rain—which her subconscious tricks of magic protected both her and Kencho from the stinging bolts' this part, to me, read a little awkward. I'm not sure about the which - it might sound better without it or as an and or something, or it would make more sense if you chopped off 'the stinging bolts' from the end. 'The guards…well, who cared for them anyway? If they died in this mess of a storm, it was their own fault' Haha Rai'chan is brilliant. So caring. The frozen rain is great too, I can imagine that stuff to be pretty lethal - I was out in a minor hail shower last week and that hurt enough. I wish I could give you help on your fight scene, but I really don't write / read enough of them to know properly what they're like - I mean, I'm actually writing my first ever one at the moment. I think it seemed to stick pretty much to your own style, with the flicking between characters and the snappy dialogue. Anyway, I thought it was really good; entertaining and easy to understand (which I think has always been my main criticism with any fight scene I have read, so well done) and I really hope that Kelch is okay! And damn Red Rasher having the Seeker - he has an awesome name though, even if he is a bit mean to poor Kelch (a bit! hmm, maybe an understatement), kind of like a racehorse name! Got to love cool names. How did you come up with that one, by the way? Lol, don't mind me, I'm being insanely nosy.
Gummi-Arms 2008-04-09 ch 14,	abuseSeems like there was something between Raichan and Baxorth. Didn't see that coming. It must be annoying to have a goddess for a mother though, since she will instantly know the moment you misbehave, or even when you simply think of misbehaving. Well, its a tough call on the fight scene. It was difficult to get a strong sense of the style because of the constant changing of viewpoints. Though this did lend a touch in the sense of confusion and chaos, it also slowed the sense of progression a little. Anyways, I suppose my vote would have to go with A) Typical Fantasy. My opinion of anime-like fights is that they tend to feature ridiculous stunts, and the heroes tend to drastically overpower the grunts, even moreso than would be reasonable for a group of epic heroes. Also, there tends to be an excessive amount of blood and gore. But in your case, while there was some blood, it was enough to be realistic to what was happening. Also, you didn't have Baxorth slaughtering masses of Red Rasher's cronies five at a time, which is probably a good thing. Furthermore, the villains were able to act in a somewhat competent manner, taking advantage of tactics and the overall confusion to achieve their goal, rather than throwing around god-like powers that would make even an anime character seem powerless, as is common for anime-like villains. Note that I consider not being in anime style to be a good thing. It isn't that I dislike anime- quite the opposite in fact- but from a writer's standpoint, it is my opinion that it does not make for good reading unless very carefully applied. Anyways, good stuff. And don't sweat it on the fight scenes too much. It isn't strictly necessary to go into explicit detail on every fight. In fact, in a lot of classic stories, half the fights are glossed over, and the story is more concerned with the consequences of the fight. So don't feel obligated to go overboard with them, especially if you don't feel all that confident in writing them.
Casey Drake 2008-03-14 ch 13,	abuseAWWESOME!! THis is much more detailed than the previous version and I LIKE it! :) CD
Casey Drake 2008-03-14 ch 8,	abuse...ohh... I think I get it... I think I understand now. SWEET!! :) CD
wolfblood82 2008-02-27 ch 13,	abuseWell, glad to see you update again. :) Anyway, it really seems that Jay is becoming more of a vital character from what I've seen here now... and yeah, poor Tsukoken getting bossed around like nothing... that being said though, the two Catrek that Ester is talking about... are they Rai'chan and Kencho(sp?)? Guess that's a dumb question, huh? As for Kelch... well, all I can say is sucks to be him for this chapter... and on your opinion that Kelch is boring in this chapter, I don't think that's the case although I do see a stereotype reluctant hero in him, but then again, I believe I can't really criticize you for that since I sucks at making my characters to be the so-called colourful type. Which led to the issue of Rai'chan. I admit I don't like her that much from what I've seen here, but at least she's a good example of the "colourful" characters which I've said just now. The fact that she's super manipulative just shows everything else... anyway, nothing much to say here for now... and yeah, hope to see your reviews for my stories soon again. I really miss them. :( On a side-note, I hope you can try reviewing another of my story entitled Wolfblood as well soon. For some funny reason, my mind is going nuts in planning it in the aspect of future plot developments. Meaning I'm eating, drinking and sleeping Wolfblood and for the obvious reason that I'm a nut for Japanese anime and game culture, I've started to develope a romantic fantasy between the main character and Asuka Kazama of the Tekken game series. Not sure if you're familiar with it though... XD
faerie-gumdrops 2008-02-25 ch 13,	abuseFirst off, I really hope that you're feeling better! Being ill really sucks, doesn't it? And I'm impressed that your write on pen and paper - I've always wanted to be able to do that, but I just get so paranoid that someone will read what I'm doing over my shoulder and get scared! Anyway, chaptery goodness! And I love the cliffhanger (although you are very mean to us for putting one in. Nah, not really, it's all good - suspense is fun)! Jay is really cute, and I love how he's not going to learn everything in a matter of seconds - that's much more realistic than these characters who become experts in their art in picoseconds. Those people just make me jealous...Imagine if you could learn everything you ever needed to know for exams etc in a minute...oh life would be so god! 'Becoming a true professional takesyears, boy. Years…' sticky words. Silly fictionpress. Poor Tsukoken afraid of the rain. I like how this chapter had a bit of Ester in it - you can do so many different viewpoints so well and seem to be able to switch between them really easily. How do you do this? Tell me your secret! I liked the 'most satisfied' at the end of his part; makes him seem even more controlling than he already is. 'From learning two-weapon fighting, to winning his first thief death duel, to stealing from the surface people, to having dreams of a black dragon…to killing innocent people, fighting a Wulfcon, losing his memory, being possessed' just your average everyday life, then? Wow, Kelch even puts soap opera characters to shame - that guy has had some interesting life! I feel so sorry for him - he's such a nice guy, but he doesn't seem to have anything to be happy about at the moment - as you say, even Baxorth doesn't seem to really care about him. And all these people chucking dead rats at him can't exactly help his mood. Or being on his way to be killed. Or being stabbed. No, poor Kelch is definitely under no threat of being attacked by The Happies at the moment. I know you say that Kelch is boring, but he does have a lot of things going for him - I mean, he can be possessed by a dragon, which is very cool, and he has a mysterious past etc. Crueller characters like Rai'chan are almost always funner to write, though - I guess it gives you a chance to unleash a darker side! Anyways, sorry for rambling on, and hope you get well soon!
2008-02-25 ch 13, anon.	abusePerhaps the problem with Kelch is that you are trying to give him somewhat contradictory roles. On the one hand, he's the big hero of the story, the bearer of the 'artifact of ultimate power', as well as the mysterious halfbreed. So naturally we expect big things from him. However, you also downplay him, and portray him as an underdog. I agree with downplaying him somewhat, especially in the beginning. But at some point he needs to shine, and that simply hasn't happened yet. So mainly, we still mostly see that he is still an underdog, and the promises haven't really been fulfilled yet. (I don't count Avairean's intervention since it wasn't really his doing.) And by shine, I don't mean powering up and wasting people. Don't misunderstand. We could probably do without that. But essentially, he needs to prove his worth to the readers in some way. Instead of going along with the flow, he needs to make a stand in one way or another, and do something to go against the flow. A great deal of the story should revolve around the consequences of the protagonist's choices, after all, or they really shouldn't be the protagonist. The consequences don't necessarily have to be positive if you want to put a tragic spin on the story. Nor do the consequences need to be immediate. Also, I don't count him attacking the thief leader in this case because once again, his actions weren't really his own. Shairokan's in this case. I think the reason that the Catrek seem to be catching your attention right now is that they are the ones causing the stir at the moment, what with Rai'chan skulking around and plotting, and Tsukoken being caught up in her power-plays. We can see that they are getting ready to do something interesting, so our eyes are drawn to this flicker of motion. Meanwhile, it doesn't seem as if Kelch is going to be doing much for the time being, due to his circumstances. We're pretty much waiting for Rai'chan to make her move and- intentionally or otherwise- free our protagonist to act on his own. (That's probably why I was curious to learn more about the Catrek characters, in hindsight.) Er... didn't mean to turn that into an essay, but that's my assessment. Just my opinion here, so take it or leave it as you like. Can't wait for the next update.
Gummi-Arms 2008-02-20 ch 12,	abuseAh, poor Tsukoken. Dumped by his cat, only to be picked up by Rai'Chan. I must admit, she can seem very menacing when she wants. And speaking of the Catrek... how to put this... I'm not getting a good sense of the ages of the various Catrek characters, aside from some being said to be a lot older than the others. It makes them a little difficult to place. But that is only just a minor complaint that I have. I'm loving this story so far.
faerie-gumdrops 2008-02-19 ch 12,	abuseHey! Sorry it's taken so long to get round to reviewing (especially seeing as I read it days ago!) I love how Rai'chan is scared (and with a good reason too - those collars sound particularly nasty) - she's such a strong character, but she still shows fear where she should. So many strong characters just seem to be completely fearless in stupidly scary situations. Strange how a character of a completely different fantasy race is so believable! I still love Rai'chan (even if she is so mean to lovely-squidgikins Tsukoken, who I obviously love...maybe a bit too much?) just because she's such an interesting character. Poor Tsukoken, though - it's so horrible to be forced to bond like that. I think its really interesting that bonding is a lot more literal in meaning here. Usually I would have thought about deep and meaningfuls etc, but here it is literally bonding minds, with the traditional idea of the people (as opposed to chemicals) bonding completely thrown out the window. I think I'm thinking too much. Lol sorry - it is late, and I make very little sense even when I'm wide awake! 'He preferred the cat' who wouldn't? No matter how much I love Rai'chan, Fluffy is beyond awesomeness. Also, I love how Tsukoken is so worried about cleanliness. So like a cat. Nice little reunion between Kencho and Tsukoken. It's nice that Tsukoken can get some good out of this. Oh, I can't imagine how horrible it would be to have someone hear your every thought when you didn't want them too. Hmm...I guess I'd just think really dirty things to put them off lol. 'Only hundred years older' I think that there should be a one or an 'a' or something in there. I didn't notice it at all the first time I read through this - twas a very subtle typo. And the only one, I think. I thought this chapter was good, even if it was very short. You've got a great theme of control running through this one, so I think that it links together well. Sorry I can't give you more help for the revision (if you're still planning to go over this heavily!)
wolfblood82 2008-02-17 ch 12,	abuseWell, interesting chapter here. Rai'chan really is starting to get on the wrong end of my nerves in a personal way though. Read: manipulative bitch. That being said though, if I remember correctly, Rai'chan had broken free from the Dark Mages. Correct me if I'm wrong although on current impression wise, I don't really like Rai'chan for what she did here. On the other hand though, I'll have to say in a neutral stand here that Rai'chan's future developments can really get interesting depending on how you do that. In case you haven't realised it yet, I basically see characters in stories on a basis of personal preference in terms of black and white. Meaning, I more or less prefer the characters who are more on the good side compared to the more evil ones although both their past and future developments can play a part in the whole thing. So if you can get me to hate or like a character in a personal way, that will mean that you really did him/her in a really good way in terms of impression. For some funny reason, Rai'chan reminds me of a certain catgirl in one of my PS2 Action RPG games. And yeah, will you have a Ranger as one of your vital characters? I really hope so and hope even more that he/she won't end up on the wrong ends of my preference although I truly doubt that given my obsession with Rangers in fantasy on the whole. And yeah, Baxorth is pwnage big time. Hope to see him again soon and end up kicking somne major ass. :)
wolfblood82 2008-02-17 ch 11,	abuseHeya there! It's yours truly again lol! XD Anyway, sorry for not reviewing earlier. I've spent quite a bit of time MIA online and when I tried to review, fp got to undergo a total upgrade... anyway, interesting chapter here in a sense that you'd let Jay be some sort of central character in this chapter. I thought he would be a minor one shot character, but guess I'm wrong. I'll really be looking forward to what you can do for him. For some reason, he seems more vital as a character here compared ro Sethe. Also, the whole Tsukoken-Fluffy issue is also rather interesting in a sense that you can do quite a bit on Tsukoken's future relationship with Kelch. I'll be interested to see what you can do for that...
Vergissmeinnicht 2008-02-16 ch 6,	abuseWell, I read five chapters in a row, now here's my verdict: I thought the prologue was extremely well written. I really enjoyed the poem you wrote--it was very...interesting. The plot is strange and unusual, yet it is captivating and seems promising since your plot is unlike anything I've ever heard of. Very well done. The only thing that is sort of confusing are the characters who suddenly showed up during the fisrt couple of chapters. I did get a little confused at first, but as I read on you clarified the relevence of those characters to your story. Overall I say 'Well done!' I will definately read on when I have the time.
Alteng 2008-02-13 ch 2,	abuseIndeed, this is a gopod little piece. You have a cast of interesting characters with interesting flaws. I don't go much for dragons or angels, but this works because of the darkness and betrayal among them. The feather thing will prove interesting, and Kelch from the Introduction is mentioned. Is this the son, I wonder. As for the forbidden things, it kind of reminds me a bit of Dune, but I only know what was in the movie, mind you. I am not in my full flown editting mode or critquing mode yet. It's either that or I just can't find any flaws yet.
Alteng 2008-02-13 ch 1,	abuseI have finally gotten a chance to spread the reviews around. It's a long story. Anyway, I have to give it to you in writing in 2nd person. A friend of mine and I did it once, but we couldn't keep at it. The setting seems proper for such a story, and I am jealous, because I have no poetic skills. You have made the immortals have character in this short piece, and I will moveon to the next chapter.

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