|Reviews for Chronicles of Avairean: Dragonblade|
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu 2/7/08 . chapter 6
Heya there! It's yours truly again lol! XD Anyway, glad to review this again... anyway, first things first, question is that am I right to say that Rai'chan is just making use of Kencho? I just have this impression here. And yeah, guess there's more to this earthquake than just some random freak accident... I'm having this odd feeling that Shairokan is behind this although I don't know why... guess I'll have to read on to find out... anyway I think Baxorth is an interesting character from what I've seen in this chapter. I'll be interested to see what you can do with his character, past and future developments. Also, I wonder about Tsukoken, Rai'chan and Kencho's part in the story in the future.
P.S: Is it me or is it that you really give most of your Catrek characters Japanese-like names? Just a random wondering here... ;)
| faerie-gumdrops 2/5/08 . chapter 10
Ooh this chapter is big! But in a good way, like a big chocolate bar or something. Yum.
Lord Ester sounds like a hottie. Maybe not. And interesting background about the Ranger/Human war. What a cool world you've created!
'Not exactly the truth, but he will want to hear it…so he will believe what he wants to hear' I like this line, very clever.
Ooh interesting that Tsukoken trained Kencho and didn't recognise him. I love Tsukoken's mysterious past, can't wait to hear more about it.
I like the exchange between Rai'chan and Ester. I can definitely see why Rai'chan agreed to go to the King's palace, she hardly seems like the type to enjoy being controlled by that collar.
Yay it's Baxorth, who is just so cool. Wonder how he'll convince the king to keep Kelch alive. Love how he was so angry later on when Kelch was complaining about his life being in the hands of a wulfcon. I'd probably be really happy with Baxorth looking after me - it seems the guy is a living legend! Oh also, on that note, I really like the way that, in this story, the humans are the oppressive racists. Makes a nice change to all of those other stories where we're poor, oppressed victims who are always in the right.
Ah so this is where Fluffy is! I wonder what Fluffy would say if Kelch could understad - as you say in the last line, he seems to be trying to tell him something.
'As the cat purred, Kelch talked' this is obviously fine, but 'spoke' might sound a bit smoother. Oh, I don't know! Just trying to give a bit of CC but I swear you do nothing wrong! I even had my typo-finding eyes on today and couldn't find anything!
Oh that must be so creepy for Kelch just to wake up in a prison cell. I have nightmares about that kind of thing all the time :(. And yay for information on the Dragonblade and the Seeker! The Dragonblade sounds pretty cool - I wonder whether Kelch will be freed, and whether he'll be able to find it. Oh I do love a nice big adventure!
| faerie-gumdrops 2/2/08 . chapter 9
Yeah, I have that too. Work really sucks - especially when you're out all day at practicals and get like a fifteen minute lunch break between lectures that are fiteen minutes apart. Now that really sucks.
So I actually read this chapter straight away yesterday, but didn't have time to review because it was very late and I was sleepy. I was very happy to see another chapter to read so soon after I read the last one.
I like how you've touched upon the racism in the society in this chapter. I think it makes the whole setting very interesting. And once more, you've done the snippets from various perspectives really well here - I love how all of your characters are so complex. Nice bit of mystery in the first part here with Kelch and the voices. Ooh and Traidel Rurain - that's the guy from the first chapter, right? Nice to see him coming into it again.
I think I'm going to try to use the word Falik today. It must be fun to speak Catrii.
I like Rai'chan's hair. I want cool purple hair. 'I left because otherwise I would have been forced to bond. I despise the mage kind, and their corrupted Academy' I like hearing more about Tsukoken's past, and how you kind of reveal it bit by bit here. Also, I like Tsukoken's clever lying. Tsukoken is just general all-round awesome - and where IS Fluffy?
Also, Baxorth is veru clever. And this Lord Ester guy was mentioned before now too, wasn't he? Ooh the plot is definitely thickening up nicely. I wonder what exactly Baxorth's plans with Kelch are, and what he's going to teach him. Also, love the last line, really makes me want to read more.
| Gummi-Arms 2/1/08 . chapter 9
Kind of the aftermath of that ordeal, I take it. And poor Kelch is probably in a heap of trouble now. Overall, an enjoyable chapter.
| faerie-gumdrops 1/31/08 . chapter 8
So sorry it took me so long to get to this - uni work has been an absolute nightmare recently (well, it still is, but I'm not going to think about that! Stupid essays.)
Tsukoken and Fluffy are amazing as usual - I liked it when Fluffy beat him on the ear...but not in a cruel way, of course! I loved the way that you described the fight with Kelch in most of this chapter, and the way that he seems to have much more talent than he should. Also, nice to see Tsukoken too scared to fight - much more realistic than characters who seem to fight just for the fun of it. I love Tsukoken - I would hug him...if he was real! I hope he's alright with the whole dagger in his shoulder issue - poor guy; that's got to hurt!
And Baxorth is very cool. I still really like him, especially 'Foolish Humans…Never able to throw anything away in the proper manner' It's like he's just hurt his leg and fallen over, but he still has time to complain about rubbish. Now that's the warrior I like!
Ooh glowy light! Exciting.
'Avairean had been called, and He had answered' I really liked this line, very powerful and dramatic. Nice!
Rai'chan is such an interesting character. I really like how assertive she is (even if she is mean to poor Kencho!) and I wonder if this is indeed the time of the legends. Exciting stuff! Also, loved the mysterious end of this chapter. I guess things are going to start to get really interesting!
| Gummi-Arms 1/27/08 . chapter 8
I really like this story now. Very cool, and the various races have their own quirks. I like Tsukoken's cat, and pretty much the whole curiosity killed the cat theme with the Catrek race. The Wulfcon sound interesting too, but so far the only representative is Baxorth. Can't wait to see what else there is.
| Gummi-Arms 1/25/08 . chapter 2
Ah, very anime like, and yet very well done too. This looks like it has potential to be an awesome story.
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu 1/23/08 . chapter 5
I don't know why, but Veedran seems like a total idiot to me... anyway, just some suggestion here: Basically, you've stated that characters rule the story. So what I'll suggest here is that you can try humanizing your characters. I'll be interested in particularly to what you can do with Memorain and Shairokan. And yeah, also rather interested to see what link does the middle part of this chapter has with the whole story... sorry if this review is short, but my attention span got screwed now... :S
| Casey Drake 1/19/08 . chapter 7
Ooh, THIS rocks. Everybody's getting moved together.
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu 1/10/08 . chapter 4
Wowee here. Good chapter you've got here. Better than the previous ones if I may say so myself. ;) Anyway, good chapter here. Kelch is definitely an enigma in terms of his lineage. And I really wonder what kind of humor Tsukoken will bring up? Manga humor maybe? I'll be looking forward to that. Baxorth's an interesting character as well especially if he's like what I assume. i.e. having certain features of a wolf. Anyway, just one CC here and that is, you can try to make Kelch having certain visions concerning his lineage. Yeah, I know he knows crap about it, but making the whole thing coming from an outside source maybe? And yeah, Rangers are super cool. Even more cooler to see that you have the term down as a race rather than class. Btw, really hope that Kelch has Ranger blood in him. That will be an added bonus for sure. ;) And yeah, thanks very much for your review on Bloodfire. Hope to see your reviews for my stories namely Circles of Arven, Elven Chronicles and Wolfblood again soon! Bye! :)
| faerie-gumdrops 1/4/08 . chapter 7
Ooh interesting chapter! As ever, I really like how you tell it from several different points of view, and don't waffle at all (because I waffle way too much. WAY too much.) so yeah, I'm really envious of that.
I'm really warming to Baxorth. I don't really know why - I guess I kind of like him because he's very professional. And he has a tail. So yeah, I think he's kind of cool, even if he is planning on giving the lovely Kelch to this mysterious Lord Ester guy - who has a very cool sciency name (I'm a biology nerd, I can't help it). And I liked the start of the fight at the end, and wonder whether the Seeker will help Kelch out and, if it does, what it will do. And I like the way that Kelch has no control over when Shairokan takes over, and that it doesn't affect his skill etc. It makes the possession seem much more like a curse than a gift, as it is sometimes portrayed in other stories.
Rai'chan's relationship with Kencho is interesting as ever - the way that he's holding her back, but is still useful to her because of his Essence. And the description of the magic as they enter the town was very well done. Also, I loved the difference between Catrek and human culture - like the way that Rai'chan thinks it's so stupid that humans cluster together in towns.
'It's a cat thing' Hehe Fluffy is awesome.
Kelch's fear at Baxorth being a Wulfcon warrior was very interesting, and I really liked your description of the way 'fear began to toy with him'. Sorry this review is kind of backwards...I don't really know why I did it like that! Hopefully it still makes sense, though? Looking forward to your next update!
| faerie-gumdrops 12/28/07 . chapter 6
Ooh earthquake! Rai'chan is an interesting character. So Memorain stole her castle from her? Well, that must be more than a little annoying for her! Also, interesting that Kencho has an Essence despite not being sent to the Academy, and I liked the way that Rai'chan exploits this to make her own powers stronger by stealing magic.
'a bleeding mass of skin and torn silk fabric' ooh that has got to hurt! Poor Kencho.
Is the feeling that Memorain gets of feeling someone tap his shoulder to do with the way that Rai'chan thought of his name? Interesting!
So this is where The Dragonblade comes into it! And I like how Kelch is so confused about what Baxorth is saying.
'A hand gripped at Kelch’s shoulder, gripping with strong fingers' I'm being major nitpickety here, and it's absolutely fine as it is, but maybe a different word for grip so that it's not used twice in this sentence? I'm just being stupidly picky though to try and be helpful.
'the rest of us just walk through life one day at a time, living for today, worrying about tomorrow when tomorrow comes, just fighting to survive as each hard day crashes into another' I really liked this line, especially the last part.
So very exciting! I wonder what will happen at dawn!
| faerie-gumdrops 12/28/07 . chapter 5
Ooh it's Veedran! Cool!
I found some sticky words. I hate it when fictionpress does this when you upload - happens to me all the time!
'Don’t even thinkhis name, Kencho'
New characters here! I really like first getting to know characters, like the first chapters they appear in, especially when you get to know them better and can flick back later to see how they've changed...although that's probably just me being odd.
Ouch! Poor Kencho. I hope he'll be okay. I liked how he knew he was doomed to die because of Rai'chan praying. I wonder whether she'll make a bigger appearence later on or not.
Ooh check out Memorain and his evil-plotting! Also, I absolutely loved the way that Veedran irritates him so much. I can imagine that Veedran's constant questioning could be quite irritating, but I really like him and how curious he is. Also, interesting part with the elements, and the decagon (I think that's right? Damn geometry). I would probably touch it too! If in doubt, poke it, right?
| faerie-gumdrops 12/28/07 . chapter 4
Tsukoken is cool, and I like how you've managed to tell us what people are thinking about Kelch, eg that he might be half ranger, through him listening to the rumours from the outcasts. I wonder whether Tsukoken is right about him being descended from Elven royalty. I also like Fluffy and the way that Tsukoken is bound by religion to keep Fluffy happy.
I liked the Baxorth section too, and the way that it's written differently (eg the repetition of 'he walked on' and the mega-short paragraphs). Also, the way that he uses the sense of smell to find Kelch is very well done. So I wonder whether Kelch will accept his dare or not!
I couldn't find any typos etc in this chapter, so well done! This story is so well-written and entertaining; you've done a really good job so far.
| Casey Drake 12/28/07 . chapter 6