This was actually a pretty good story. I think it could have used some more back story...maybe you should try to re-write it. That's what I'm doing with the stories I domn't like of mine.

Stephanie

Well, it could have been worse, and Ayla could have woken up from a bad dream. There were many thoughts that I had through the course of this story. With all the movie references, I thought that maybe ayla was a nutcase, and she was hallucinating the whole thing. That would have been a bit freaky.

Because of the way that it is written up, it does smell a lot of different horror movies/novels. I would try to get rid of all the references of Stephen King and The Omen, the Exorcist, and any thing else along the lines. The story works out well without them.

I liked that you were able to tie the "Born in Fire, Killed in Ice" into this. I am unsure if this an unique thing on your part. If it is, keep it.

You dropped enough hints about the mother being rather a religious nut. I like the thing about the crucifixion thing.

Anyway, I liked this story, and it did keep my attention.

Well, at least she wasn't sitting there licking the blood off the knife, mind you.

Thank goodness for Daniel indeed.

You know, I had a class once where I was told that if a story was told in the first person, it was a good bet that the narrator wouldn't die . . . This is why Olivier is in his situation, mind you! For being an incidental character, he shows up a lot in these reviews.

Anyway, this was a nice freaky chapter as well. I work in a grocery store (and I have to go back to work tomorrow night). The freezer there has a handle on the other side. It would seem that any freezer installed would have such a safeguard. After all, the meat in the freezer isn't exactly intending to get out, and the person in the house might get caught in there. Of course, I have seen a good many movies that use this as a basis for a scene. All the same, Ayla should think that it is a bit odd.

Most definately br!

Okay, I think that I get the name. I am starting to wonder on some things here. Is she going to wake up and this is all a bad dream.

I had an amusing little thought about the death of the little girl and all other things involve. During my research for my lovely little story, there have been several stories concerning Kobolds involving a bit about the Lord's prayer and dead children and butcher knives. Germans are so much fun!

I think I would have gotten Maddie out of this house and like now!

Things are certainly heating up here, and the weirdness abounds. I am enjoying this!

This was indeed an interesting little chapter. I am glad that you described the smell of the blood. This is a thought for you. I have found that blood smells of salt . . . don't ask how I know this, but for whatever reason it smells salty to me.

a little thought off to the side, and I am not sure if there is any revelence in this. Your hero is doing a graphic novel for the Shining. If there is not suppose to be a significance between what the point of the story is and this project, I would change the project to something that is unique. Otherwise, I am seeing parallells here with the movie with Jack Nicholson.

That could mean many and various things. Check her dental work. Am I losing the seriousness of this story? I was thinkikng that it was a bit odd about the eyes.

A funny little thought for you. You could have mentioned that he freezer was a heck of a lot warmer than the house. I am a bit of a smart ass. What can I say.

You have several good descriptions in this story, and it is vastly superior to your fanfiction, but I do understand this.

This is a nice creepy chapter, and you do have my attention here. It kind of reminds me a bit of Olivier in Bane, but he makes no secret of his presence. (I don't think he is mentally capable). Anyway, a couple of criticizing comments. The second paragraph is a bit long and awkward. I should know. My friend and I used to try and write the longest sentences. You might want to break it up a bit.

The last line of the story, you could add a bit about Maddie's face was not red or raw like one who has been crying.

Anyway, on to the next chapter.

That seems to be good and freaky. I like this house already, and you know I would just have to go upstairs and invetigate the shut door. there has to be a way to get it opened.

You did a nice description on Donna, and that did come off rather professionally.

Amazing what we will find through connections, ain't it.

So, since this is a mystery/horror story, I would think that there is something at work here. It makes me wonder if Ayla's project or Daniel's have something sinister about them like the story "The Yellow Sign". Fun story, mind you.

There is not much to be said about this chapter. All it is doing is setting the stage.