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| Twilight Starr 2007-12-12 ch 2,  | abuseGreat addition. Good job on description. I like the scientific bit. Nice work. ~Twilight Starr~ |
| SirScott 2007-12-10 ch 1, | abuseThis story is different. I never thought cyborgs had these sort of experiences. Keep up the good work. ~SirScott |
| Mosaic Stains 2007-12-10 ch 2, | abuseWell, this chapter assauged my curiousity of who was coming through the door. Yet, nonetheless, I'm now wondering where this kid's journey is headed and whether the events that took place in his dreams or virtual thoughts... I'm not sure which it was-- actually happened or will happen. And if they did or will, what are his connections to the mentioned characters (Cameron, Idalosist, & Zallaust--interesting choice of names)? All of these things are rhetorical questions and don't need to be answered. I don't mind waiting to find out what's what, so long as the events tie together or have a point in the end. Without hesitation though, the chapter was good. I saw few mistakes that could simply be fixed with revision-- and that's it. (I hate making a big deal over mistakes or grammar. I'm more into plot, description, and character flaws or helpful tips...) And thanks for the review! ~M.S. |
| Mosaic Stains 2007-12-10 ch 1, | abuseI wanted to thank you first and for most for the review, and in repayment here's my review: In short words I like it. In longer words, the begining starts out really nice and interesting... it pulls you in with the words and curiousity of what the shadows mean {ironically, I wrote a short involved with good shadows-- yours are a bad omen... humm...}. Then later on you are drawn by curiousity to find out what is happening. Like I put before, overall it was pretty good. ~M.S. |
| Melissa Norvell 2007-12-09 ch 1, | abuseThis is an interesting story so far. My only complaint is that the description became less and the dialouge more. To better paint an image in a reader's head, we need more description so that your story is able to come to life. You have good characters and an interesting plot. There is definitely potential in this piece. I hope you continue with it and I hope it will improve to your liking. If you wish, feel free to check out some of my works. |
| Twilight Starr 2007-12-08 ch 1, | abuseGood, interesting start. You drew me in. Nice work. Good luck with writing, this story, and life. Have an excellent day. ~Twilight Starr~ |