Reviews for Wrapped - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Wrapped - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

criti-sized 2008-07-25 ch 5,	abuseDon't ask how I ended up on 6 before 5. I'm having one of those backward days and nothing's going right. I think I really liked this short for the description and reality in it. It makes me wonder if they were in any sort of trouble that made him burn the house, though he had planned it all along. C.S.
criti-sized 2008-07-25 ch 6,	abuseI'm finally here to do some catching up. This one had me confused for a second. I wasn't sure if she loved the guard that was killed, or the boss, but I'm guessing the boss. I liked the short and the vague feeling in it was interesting. The author's not had me laughing because of I think we talked about that person. C.S.
GryphonFledglingOfSilverWin... 2008-07-13 ch 6,	abuseAh, very nice. I liked how this one flowed. It appeared shorter than the first one, but I really liked this. All of the important stuff is still in there and it is all very prominent. I like the whole scene in the bedroom too. All I can say though is that she loved an absolute a-word. No wonder she wanted out. Good stuff here. It was very tense. thumbs up ~GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings
GryphonFledglingOfSilverWin... 2008-07-12 ch 5,	abuseThis was pretty cool. Again, a little vague (though this finally made it clear at the end) but really great stuff. It was a bit strange how the girl seemed to go from almost naive and totally not knowing what was going on to being this cool, collected agent (yeah, not exactly, I know, but it was the impression I got). It seems strange that she would be so attached to the house if they were always on the move (which was the impression I got). If that was not the case, and she was planning on living in this house, then they obviously haven't either a) been doing this long or b) ever been caught before. Also, I think that smoke clouds can be seen from a little farther than 100 feet. I'd make that a bigger distance, but I'm not exactly how big to make it. I'm not that good at distances. But 100 feet is definitely too short. Interesting stuff here, though. ~GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings
GryphonFledglingOfSilverWin... 2008-07-12 ch 4,	abuseOoh. This is new. When did this actually get written? I don't recall ever reading this. Anyway, I liked it a lot. You left a lot ambiguous, but you painted a great picture. It was a little vague as to what actually happened and the reader is left to their own devices to decide what actually happened, but I do like it. Very nice. thumbs up ~GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings
Efreisone 2008-04-02 ch 4,	abuseThat was excellent. If you haven't gotten to work fleshing this out as a full story, do so. Like, right now.
Jas Evans 2008-01-07 ch 3,	abuseWho's Rayne? Or James? That was kind of confusing, you got what was going on after reading, but maybe try to transition some way from part 2 to part 3 just so you don't think it's the same POV or situation. It's interesting though. Does this scene happen in the same location as the girl telling the story before? Maybe, unless it would ruin the plot, that would help to put in to ground your readers. Curious to see where this is going, ~Gredfeorge
Jas Evans 2008-01-07 ch 2,	abuseHey again. Alright you had a small typo here. “I am going to kill him o!” not sure if the o got added by accident or you meant, him, oh! but spelling wise I think that's right. Question because we don't know, you might want to explain how long they went abroad, why, etc, because that's a little confusing. If she's really pretty and smart it might seem a little unrealistic that somebody hasn't approached her to date her unless she's just turned everyone down. Overall everything flowed nicely, and is original which is nice :) good job
Jas Evans 2008-01-07 ch 1,	abuseHey, really late for reviewers found. It was an interesting way to start the story, I thought of about five story lines this could spin from just by reading this. Maybe it's a little too short though, because it catches your attention, but it can't hold it, because it then ends. I've been to open markets and her feeling of it was true, the claustrophobia, the crowds, and people in your face selling things. My friends at home, maybe you could say my friends here, because where is home for her if she's been abroad so long? -shrugs- Anyways really nice opening :)
Mosaic Stains 2007-12-25 ch 1,	abuseGod! do I know the feeling of the market and how disgusting it can be. I took a turn in Egypt and Turkey for a while and both places had horrible markets. Whether food or clothing markets. I used make sure I didn't eat before going, otherwise, I'd feel nauseated all day. But I think the worst thing was when it rained and you had no choice but to got out the day after and walk through all of that **... Uhggh! I always wore boots and then spent an hour cleaning and polishing them later on. Still it was an experience I'm glad I went through. It makes me appreciate the big stores of America even more. Yet, I miss the freshness of the fruits and vegetables and knowing they haven't been tampered with chemically. Nice reminder! ~M. Stains
Tatiana Moore 2007-12-18 ch 4,	abuseVery mysterious! I like this a lot.
Tatiana Moore 2007-12-18 ch 2,	abuseNice ending... i'm liking these one-shots... they seem somewhat connected, but i'm not sure that they are. Are they? If not... don't forget that point I made a while back (beginning, middle, end)... which are needed for any story. :) Good work!
Tatiana Moore 2007-12-18 ch 1,	abuseGood work... :) sorry it's taken me so long to review these stories! There's something very simple yet descriptive that i like about this. Moving on... :)
Sarah Allie 2007-12-14 ch 1,	abuseQuestion: are these chapters correlative? (Excuse the spelling). Also, if you expanded on this, talked a bit about Nigeria and the market, it'd make for a great story. Other than that, I can't really find anything to critisize, but I repeat: try expanding on the ideas, it'd make the story much more palpable and believable.
criti-sized 2007-12-13 ch 4,	abuseThis one was a bit more serious it seems. You left a lot of mystery in it until the end.And the poor kid that gave him the picture,he didn't know what was going on. C.S.

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