Reviews for I'm No Match - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: I'm No Match - Reviews: Page 1 of 2

lackluster 2008-06-26 ch 1,	abusei can relate to this...not so much the last stanza but definitely the first. but the second stanza's the one with all the beautiful imagery and lovely wording. altogether, it's perfect.
Setsuna529 2008-06-15 ch 1,	abuseThat final stanza is fantastic. I love how the juxtaposition of daisies/roses and glances/kisses enhances the discrepancies between them. Great writing.
Fractured Illusion 2008-02-27 ch 1,	abuseWowie! :o Anyhow, I am here to review ambush you since you won the Review Marathon..as we all know by know! To the poem! I must admit, I did not care much for the two first stanzas, especially since the 2nd doesn't make much sense as I intepret the third as if he already chose, so then I think "why is she bothering asking this obvious answer-question?" The word choices in those two weren't strong or stood out, either. 3rd stanza, however..! :D The comparisons were just so...so...what is the word? Befitting? Lovely? Interesting? Unique? Take your pick. Suggestion, though, because when I read it at first it sounded wrong in my head. It'd sound better if you had it like this: "Sneaking glimpses at the life you’ve chosen Because my daisies" or something like thiat. Or just "you’ve chosen, because my daisies" Maybe it's just me though. Anyohw, lovely. :3 - Frac
torn pieces 2008-02-24 ch 1,	abuseNice :) Your favorite number is 13, right?
Esther Jade 2008-02-11 ch 1,	abuseThe word choice in the last stanza is just gorgeous. I love the contrasts between "daisies" and "roses"; "stolen" and "million dollar"; and "glances" and "kisses". My favourite is probably the stolen-million dollar one - just awesome. I also think specifying the thirteen is inspired - it just gives that slightly ominous shadow to the relationship he's chosen. Again, I think that punctuation would bring it to an even higher level as you don't want someone rushing through the stanza because they can't say it in one breath. However, I'm not quite sure where to put it in. You could put a colon between "chosen" and "because" as you're introducing an explanation and you could put a semi-colon after "roses". You definitely can't put any other end-stopping because the enjambment on the other lines is quite masterful. I think the first stanza could probably use a bit of work. The rhythm in the questions is great and I kind of get where you're going with "side-sideline" thing. However, I just don't think it's on the same level as the final stanza. One idea I had was using a more domestic image - maybe contrasting being in the house or watching from outside. Because the concept is a man choosing between two women (rather than a woman between two men), I think a contrast more suggestive of women would be better than a sports allusion. Just my opinion but I like exchanging ideas with you so I thought I'd throw that out there.
lookin4nemo 2008-01-21 ch 1,	abusethis is really good! i love the line that says the million dollar kiss! very good!
Carousel Chorus 2008-01-17 ch 1,	abuseOh wow. I absolutely love this piece. I love the comparisons you draw between you and the other girl. This is definately something that everyone can relate to. Great job! Adding this to my favorites list. x.CC
perpetual questions 2008-01-06 ch 1,	abuseI think the emotion is well expressed. I like the phrase "13 dozen roses", it's original. Nice job.
Julius Gillian 2008-01-02 ch 1,	abuseIt's like a mild love-letter card I would find in Kmart. It's straightforward and honest, good job.
fairytale failure 2007-12-27 ch 1,	abuseI like how you used clever comparisions to get your point across - for example, side/sideline and the contrast of roses and daisies. My favourite was the last two lines, where you compared 'million-dollar kisses' to 'stolen glances'.
standing.in.the.wreckage 2007-12-22 ch 1,	abuseThat's so sad and touching. wonderful poem. good job and keep it up
i.am.pockets 2007-12-21 ch 1,	abuseWow. I love it! It's so incredibly sad, but so beautiful. The last stanza's my favorite. Definitely adding to my favorites.
XxXKristie marieXxX 2007-12-20 ch 1,	abuseI liked this one to. Love the last two lines. Keep it up! Kristie Marie
FoxTail13 2007-12-18 ch 1,	abuseWow, this is amazing. It's gripping and powerful. I love this piece very much, and you definately have a way with words. Good job on writing an amazing poem.
Ash of Lynne 2007-12-18 ch 1,	abuseThis is really powerful! I love that last line. I'm kind of in a situation like that, so I know how that feels and that makes the poem so much more real.

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